Miles & Mountains
Join Nick, a social worker and coach by day, as he unravels the inspiring stories of athletes and the public, uncovering the motivations behind their actions, from conquering mountains to participating in ultra-endurance races and competing in rodeos. Get ready for heartwarming tales of community support, acts of kindness, and the revelation that everyone has a deeper story to tell. Whether it's running, climbing, or participating in rodeos, these stories will inspire and uplift. #Running, #Climbing, #EverydayAthletes, #Rodeo
Miles & Mountains
The Lonely Miles: A Runner's Journey Back to Self
When your running routes become maps of heartbreak, how do you find your way forward? Ultra runner John Calabrese takes us through his raw, emotional journey of rediscovery after losing both his relationship and running partnership in one devastating blow.
John's story begins with a dream scenario for many runners—falling for a fellow ultra athlete who shared his passion, crewed his races, and built memories along countless miles of trails. Together, they conquered grueling challenges like running JFK 50 and the Philadelphia Marathon in a single weekend. But when their relationship crumbled, John found himself not only heartbroken but also stripped of his running identity and community.
The collapse was total—pneumonia followed emotional exhaustion, friendships changed, and suddenly the routes that once brought joy became painful reminders of what he'd lost. Compounding his struggle, John and his ex continued living practically within sight of each other, making clean breaks impossible. Most devastating was losing a close running friend to an unexpected death around the same time, leaving John without his two most important running companions.
What makes this episode particularly powerful is the honesty with which John discusses rebuilding. From struggling to find motivation to run alone again to carefully navigating race schedules to avoid painful encounters, he reveals the messy reality of healing within a close-knit running community. His journey back to consistent 70-mile weeks hasn't been linear, but it has been transformative.
Now focused on giving back through Ainsley's Angels and targeting iconic challenges like Badwater 135, John is redefining his relationship with running on his own terms. His story reminds us that sometimes the longest ultramarathon isn't on any race calendar—it's the journey back to ourselves after loss.
Have you ever had to rebuild your relationship with running after a major life change? Share your story in the comments and connect with others who understand the struggle of finding your stride again when the path forward seems impossible to navigate.
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John Calabrese how are you? I'm doing pretty good man had a good run this morning and I'm just happy to be here.
Speaker 1:Well, good, good. And when you say this morning, it was a couple hours ago because you're on the East Coast, correct?
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Virginia. I'm in Virginia, I'm in Fredericksburg right now, but I've split time between mainly cold pepper and virginia, or virginia cold pepper and fredericksburg wow yeah, okay, and fredericksburg is part of the metro area now because back in the 1999, 2000.
Speaker 1:It wasn't, but it was booming.
Speaker 2:Yeah, dc is everywhere now, man, it's starting to be 95. Yeah.
Speaker 1:How long does it take you to get to DC now? Oh, boy.
Speaker 2:So I think the good thing about Culpeper is the back roads. From there you can get there pretty quick. I mean it's crazy. I I mean there's a lot of people that commute going that way too. But um, yeah, I don't know, maybe like hour and a half, something like that yeah, does.
Speaker 1:Does the metro go down there?
Speaker 2:no, I wish, oh god, I wish it did. I mean, like, um, we have the VRE, of course, I'm sure you know that, um, that can take you from, like you know the outskirts like fredericksburg, but, um, you still have to, you know, connect to, like the metro to go in there and everything. It's a it's, it's a crazy process yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So so virginia you born and raised yeah, yeah, man, I miss it out there it's a good place. Graduated, highuated high school in the Alexandria area, so yeah. Yeah, I miss it, man, but I'm pretty sure it's expensive and a lot of chaos.
Speaker 2:So to raise a kid here it's expensive and I'm just going to be honest with you, I feel like it's a knife fight at times, like for employment Just for anything man, it's a very competitive area. I mean, it's a great area. You know, there's a great running community, there's many great running communities here. Yes, yes, it's tough.
Speaker 1:It's a tough place to live, in my opinion okay, so are you a jmu or a george mason fan? What?
Speaker 2:so with college I'm kind of weird. I was in the navy, uh, and I I used the gi bill to kind of just patchwork. I have some credits from Mary Washington. I got some credits from like kind of all over the place. I am kind of a nomad with college sports and colleges.
Speaker 2:I think by default I root for UVA because that's the closest college to me Like big school. I think UVA is the closest I like tech to me like big school. I think uva is the closest I like tech. Um, I love tech, like in the 90s, of course, when they, uh, when they shot up with michael vick, I mean, yeah, I mean like he was just doing incredible things. I I'm not a fan of him, like you know, of course, like the dog fighting stuff like that, but yeah, yeah, but I loved watching him play and I think, no matter, even with the dog fighting stuff, like if you're a virginian, that's a magical time. You have to respect the talent and we probably won't ever see a talent like that again. You can make comparisons to Lamar Jackson and stuff like that, but watching Vic special, that was awesome.
Speaker 1:Yeah, watching Vic after Steve Young, it was a good time. It was a good time, man.
Speaker 2:I was actually really lucky too, because I was dating a girl at Tech at the time when he was there and she took me to a game, so I got to see him play. I was like probably one of the top movements in sports, yeah, just seeing him on the field, like wow, you know, like this is amazing.
Speaker 1:Okay, now I got a last question and so, just out of curiosity, have to ask, because he comes to the Gorge up here in Washington every Labor Day weekend for three days and I saw him once one day and it was just horrible. So are you a Dave Matthews fan?
Speaker 2:This is a complicated question. This is probably as weird as my life is right now. This is probably the hardest question I'm going to get today. So, like I've been to multiple Dave Matthews band concerts never by choice so I mainly in high school, I dated a couple of girls that liked him and I saw I've seen him many different times, but it was never by choice. It was always by a significant other or, like you know, girlfriend or something. And uh, yeah, I mean I, I like what he does for, like the area he. He does a lot of charity work and he's, I think he's a cool guy. Yeah, he got into the music, though, and, um, I don't know if that makes me a bad virginian or just a bad person. I mean, uh, I hope not, but I don't think anything bad about him. I just I'm just kind of indifferent about the music.
Speaker 2:I mean, I hung out the concerts and stuff, and you know, try to be cool about it, but I am yeah, yeah, I don't know, I don't, I'm kind of just you know yeah, I saw, yeah, yeah, I saw him once and I was done.
Speaker 1:I was like, nah, never again, I'm not, I'm not a fan, I'm not a fan. But you know I grew up in that time when his album started coming out and you know I was down there during high school.
Speaker 2:He was getting hot and you know I'm pretty old people here like, uh, I remember people like so fired up at the concerts and stuff, and I was like, yeah, I was trying to. I was like I wish I could get like that. Like like I remember dudes just like really fired up with certain songs. He's playing stuff, stuff like that. I was just like, oh, I just couldn't do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean you seen that meme where we you know when he's dancing all weird and that they're like we know there's no song out there for him to even jam like this, you know there's no song out there like that.
Speaker 2:So I don't know like that's the weird.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a excellent question. I think that one got me, they got me, I had to, man, I had to. So, yeah, yeah, I do like him and I'm gonna. I'm a huge Adam Sandler fan and it was one of the questions you know, what Adam Sandler movie do you like, or whatever. And uh, I do like him in the movie because he always plays like a gay guy. Man, everyone, everyone, everyone, just go with it. And, yeah, just go with it. He plays a gay guy that's married to nicole kidman.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, pretty funny man musicians and movies are interesting, like, I think, one of the funniest ones. Do you remember fight club?
Speaker 1:yep, yep. Do you remember the?
Speaker 2:waiter, it will that. Yeah. Yeah, meatloaf is the main one, but, like dude, a low-key, hilarious one. Do you remember the waiter at one point that uh tells him not to eat the soup because of the stuff that's in it? And uh, it's the guy from live. Remember that band live?
Speaker 2:like oh, yeah, yeah, I never really liked that band, but like that, like that's a hilarious cameo right there, like every time I see him, like that's genius. David fincher is a legend and we need to treat him like one every day of the week yeah, yeah, you kind of look like a man walchek right, that's his name, walchek.
Speaker 1:now let me say, you look like him, almost man, you him. I'm a huge live fan, man, I love live.
Speaker 2:I mean, I liked him back in the day. I haven't listened to him in a while, but they had some fans, man, they were good.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, good, Good, good. All right, john, just trying to ease up the moment. You know You've been up for a while, I haven't so that. Just just to get me in, get the things flowing. So, man, all right. John virginia, you approached me. Don't know how you found me, we don't have to get into that. Don't know how you found this podcast, but you felt nick, I stalked you.
Speaker 2:That's exactly how it happened. I was like this guy looks cool and I just want to talk to him all right.
Speaker 1:Well, I appreciate that man, especially me. You know, growing up in the east coast area, it's pretty cool man. So I always give people from the east coast some love and if they want to be on the podcast, they can be on the podcast. But you, you you're going through some things. You are struggling, a bit kind of like the struggle bus that I that I've been in you said you had a terrible 24 a.
Speaker 1:I I'm there with you, but you have a story and here you are, so go with it, john all right man, follow your lead, but I will ask some questions, probably not as tough as, uh, the dave matthews, but that was uh, yeah, that that will be the hardest question of the day.
Speaker 2:Everything else is.
Speaker 2:You set me up perfectly because everything else is up easy from here, hopefully I say that now, but then it watched me, watch me, like, watch me 30 minutes, but um, no, what happened with me is, um, I kind of had like a downfall.
Speaker 2:I was doing really good with running, I was in a great place, and then, um, basically, I ran into somebody at the end of 2021 that, you know, I I don't know this I ran to a girl in 2021 that I just adored in previous years at races and we started talking and we really rushed things basically, and I got myself into a situation where my piece was really disturbed and I didn't know how to communicate it to her and it got really dark. And then, basically, fast forward to 2024, my friend passed away towards the end of the year that I always went and did ultras with, and you know, my girlfriend also at the time. Like you know, we did stuff together. We were just like a team. You know, we did really hard ultras, like Manatee's, basically uh, the wild oak trail 100, just like you name a hard race. We would just go out and do it yeah losing my buddy.
Speaker 2:I mean it was. It didn't hit me at the time really hard because it was so sudden. He was, you know, he was fine and then, just out of nowhere, one day somebody texted me and was like you passed away, and I was just like I was in shock, but it didn't really grab me at the time. I mean, I was really sad and horrified but it didn't really get me at the time. But basically, fast forward to around December. I was having a lot of problems with my girlfriend. At the time.
Speaker 2:Uh, you know again, just, I couldn't find peace. There was constant conflict and you know, and I'm I blame myself a lot for the way the situation went down, but I just I couldn't work it. And then also I was having issues with work. You know, being a caregiver is really hard. I love the guy I'm a caregiver for I'm sure you've seen him on Instagram. I love Donald.
Speaker 2:But just the three situations, I just felt drained and I was having problems. You know, on top of that I was doing races every week and trying to like write stuff, be on podcasts. You know, I was working myself to death basically and yeah, I just kind of like my body shut down. I got pneumonia in December, yeah, and that took me out of the game for like a bit a bit. After that, you know, I kept getting sick with other stuff like stomach bugs and stuff like that. I was just depleted and I got to the point with my girlfriend that I had to pull. Like this sounds awful, but I mean I'm just gonna be honest about it. Um, I basically just had to pull a goodwill hunting and you know I, I was awful to her. I, um, I made sure that she would never, ever want to get back with me again because we were just, it was bad. We were just, you know, we, we probably broke up and got back together like eight times because I feel like we both had a lot of love for each other, but it was just bad. I mean, like I, I couldn't ever get comfortable, I couldn't rest. Um, you know, again, just a lot of conflict and I was mean and um, it's tough because she's big in the running community also, especially around here.
Speaker 2:Everywhere I look, that's a place where something happened. I'm constantly reminded the combination of my buddy passing away and having to break up with my girlfriend. Those were my two people. I got you, my dude for alters is gone and then, like you know, the girl I ran like all over with the road you know I had. You know I think it's things worse when you have to let somebody go because you know you can't do it anymore. That's hard. I mean like it should be a sensible decision to be able to walk away. But no, like I still wanted to get back with her and you know like I mentally lost it. I mean I just um, yeah, I, I it was dark and it's still. I mean I'm still trying to get through it. But um, you know I, I know in my heart I made the right decision leaving. I had to because I was just a mess you know my body like and you know I got freaking pneumonia.
Speaker 2:It's yeah, yeah yeah, it was tough but moving forward.
Speaker 2:Now it's just kind of, like you know you don't want to run because, like you know, you're going to bump into this person makes sense yeah, and you know, you know before, when we broke up and I'd see her races, it was like it was, it was very devastating, yeah yeah. So, moving forward, it's just finding the motivation to want to, you know, get back to where I was when I was, you know, before really I I met her and you know when I was motivated at doing alters every weekend and just like loving life. So I got to try to get back there. But you know, I've got we'll talk about it, I've got some stuff going forward, but, um, yeah, just getting healthy from the pneumonia and uh, just just that unhealthy life, it's, it's been a struggle, man, and uh, it's gonna take time, but I I'm, every day I'm getting better, but man, it's, it's rough, rough time.
Speaker 1:I got you, I got you, I got you. I'm here. I'm here listening. I one one thing, though, man Good Will Hunting, he did go see about a girl towards the end.
Speaker 2:But he never got. He, in my opinion, he's never going to get her back. He broke her and I did something similar to this person and I deserve paying for it. It's like I mean, like it's weird, I didn't plan it like that, it just happened. Like that, it just happened and I watched the movie. I ended up watching the movie, like I had like like randomly, later I was like, oh my god, that's what I did, like I, I and I was like really remorseful and yeah, um, it's tough.
Speaker 1:I mean, it's really it's hard to deal with that movie leaves it up to, uh, your own personal interpretation. So I feel he lived a happy life alongside her man. So just thought I'd let you know that's one of my favorite movies of all time. If somebody asked me favorite movie, that movie. Because at the end, when he found out that his shit doesn't really stink, you know, and he cries in his arms and just lets it all out, he doesn't have to fake it anymore. You know, that's one of the greatest movies of all time for me.
Speaker 2:So I have a darker look to it now but like, yeah, I mean, like my situation, I know I I will never get this person back. I was, I was, I had no one. And I think that if I can learn anything from this is even if a relationship fails, you have to have empathy. If you don't have, if you don't have empathy, then you're you're an evil person, you know, and I think that I lacked a lot of it during our time together and I'm very remorseful about that.
Speaker 1:Okay, I gotcha All right. So when did you start getting into the running man? Why, why run?
Speaker 2:When did you start getting into the running man? Why run? Well, this is so. This is kind of this kind of goes along with what we were just talking about. I got into running in 2017 to basically deal with depression from divorce. Basically, I was just, I was strung out from just courtroom stuff, like you know, basically financial stuff, from you know, going to court, just emotionally drained, and I, you know I found running to help fix that.
Speaker 2:But, uh, you know, fast forward to now, it's really hard when you let somebody into all of your running routes and your races that you like and then, like, that safe space is broken.
Speaker 2:So I mean, like, not to like deter anyone from finding a relationship in the running community. But if you do that, you better be ready that, if it goes wrong and you sometimes, you know, like I never thought, uh, me and my girlfriend were gonna get, yeah, we were going to uh break out. But if it does happen, like you know, there's stuff there's other stuff like I, I have a kid, I have to have consideration for how my daughter's being raised and everything, and then just my own personal piece and you know, if that stuff starts getting violated, like in your you know, if you're dating someone in the community, everything changes. I mean you have to like, like if that's what you're using for stress relief, you know it's going to be really disrupted and we're runners are creatures of habit. I mean like that's gonna just really disrupt everything. Race schedule, where you want to run, who you want to run with it's I yeah like anyone considering a relationship like that really needs to think about it I gotcha yeah yeah, no, it is so.
Speaker 1:So I'm running through a few barriers. You know, 2024 was my worst year of all time, you know. And uh, uh, along with an injury, you know a couple deaths, and then cancer myself. And then, you know, just trying to get back into it, and you're like, I don't know, I don't feel like, uh, you know some of the eggs. You're like, okay, you know the wind, it's very windy over here, it's probably one of the windiest cities besides Chicago and it's just like, oh, the wind's hitting, I don't want to go outside, you know. So, to like to get out of the funk, I just move. You know, movement, that's that's what I call move, man, just move. So I'll just go on and, uh, go to the gym and hit up the stair climber, you know, for a while, and just beat up my legs. And then I try to run the next day. I'm like man, why are my legs still hurting?
Speaker 1:You know, and it's just like, oh, that's why. So I just tried to do things to change things up, but sometimes it just doesn't work. So what are you doing to change? What are you doing to get past, you know, the barriers, the struggle, bus?
Speaker 2:To piggyback off what you said in 2024, I had a bunch of injuries on top of getting like pneumonia and like sick also, and it was. It was so tough because, like, I was still trying to run hard and I got to a place where, just like and I know I frustrated my girlfriend at the time too because I was just, I was very weak, you very weak, you know, I couldn't run as well. I mean, she definitely was much stronger than I was um, yeah, so like, yeah, I'm sure I frustrated her. We did a lot of stuff like, I think, with one of the hardest weekends we are. You familiar with the jfk 50? I'm sure you are growing up in the area oh yeah, yeah, jfk and philly in the same weekend.
Speaker 2:That's the kind of shit we were doing. So, like I mean, we did a lot of stuff and, um, yeah, I'm sure that led to the pneumonia on top of just all the other you know, the fighting, and then just my friend passing and then just being a dad also, just so much stuff going on. Um, I was constantly injured. I had knee problems, uh, so, like dealing with the injury, the breakup, yeah, dude, like there's mornings I just wake up like I don't want to do this and then, um, you know, like I have to really psych myself up to run and I'll be honest with you, I don't know how I'm doing it. Uh, I mean, like I'm just doing it yeah, I just put.
Speaker 2:I post all the time on instagram. I'm just like you know, I had to get this one out. Like, once I get out there, I start to get motivated, like because I like to, you know I had to get this one out. Like, once I get out there, I start to get motivated, like cause I like to, you know, I love to run. That was my thing. It's just like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think the thing that hurts the most again is just that, like everywhere that I live, we have every single part of like our routes. There's a story to it. Like you know, you start seeing that and it's hard to just like not think about that and just like get motivated about something in the future, which is tough again, because, like, I've had to gut my race schedule to um, you know, because I don't I want to give her space, I don't want to bump into her and stuff like that. Um, but you know, like I got to figure out something to do because I love to run and I miss racing so much. So, like, um, yeah, I mean, I've got some ideas on that, but I'm trying to focus on the future and just moving forward and the things that I want to do that.
Speaker 2:I couldn't do when I had a girlfriend. So, like you know I maybe that's selfish, but I think I'm in. I'm in a situation now that I got depleted by too many people and you know it's not a bad thing Adults, you have to do that. But yeah, I got totally drained. I that's why I got pneumonia, that's how I got injured, that's why my head got all messed up. I you know my sleep's messed up. I just I need to take some time for John and just be selfish, and I I don't even like saying selfish, but you know what I'm saying Like, I just need to take some time for me.
Speaker 1:Have you thought of? You know, uh, changing the route doing, changing the route, doing little pieces here and there and immediately, you know going off the route. You know, instead of you know going full, full tilt in the route, and then you know, maybe worry about seeing her do it backwards.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that's what I'm doing. Yeah, I mean like, um, I have, I mean, but the real, the hard thing. I mean like this is a really rough part of this. So like when, when I totally moved out, I mean we live like very close to each other, like I. When I say close, I mean like I want to say like 150, like maybe steps, 150 steps or something like that, like you live on the same farm. So that is brutal. I mean it is. I don't even I would not wish that upon anybody. And yeah, it's also led to me. You know, if I earlier on, like when I saw her, like I would just get emotional and try to talk to her and stuff like that. And you know, when it's done, it's done it doesn't matter yeah.
Speaker 2:It doesn't matter if you're going to like and that's why I think again Matt Damon did not get the girl in um I not to be like, you know, uh, you know like, but like, if you break somebody and you do something a certain way, like that it's over. You know, you can't, there's nothing you're going to say that can like, renew that. You destroy that love, like the, the bowl of love that was in front of you. That's, that's gone. You know like you emptied it with the things that you said.
Speaker 2:You can't get it back.
Speaker 1:I got said you can't get it back, I got you I got you.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right. So when? When did you guys break up? Oh geez, I mean, it hasn't been that long. But like the thing is like we've it's been over and over and over again and uh, I think that just, you know, yeah, I'm probably the one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I so like um, I know, like uh, she has no love in her heart for me. I mean, like I, if anything, I still have some for her, but I just um, you know, I just I know that I have to move on and just you heard her, you heard her.
Speaker 1:So what? When was uh, when was the breakup?
Speaker 2:Month. So this is, this is going to sound crazy. When I got to the Mooney in December, it was such a blur to now I can't like honestly, like there was things that were happening that I, I mean like I've made some bad decisions, like I've had to like back out of jobs and stuff like that. Like I yeah, I mean like I've it's been like in fast forward man, I, I, so that was part of my issue with you know, breaking up with her is like, uh, like I can't even tell you a day it happened. It was just so crazy, gotcha and um, yeah, I was driving all over the place doing different stuff for different people, like with work, and just, um, you know, trying to make time for her or my daughter. I, yeah, dude, it's I can't even describe it. It's like, um, um, dude, like it's just been like the last. The last four months of my life have been like a surreal experience.
Speaker 1:It's just been very difficult, I mean so what have you been doing to better yourself since hanging out with?
Speaker 2:family running, just spending a lot of time my kid and um running. I've been doing. I've been trying to eat better and, uh, less coffee. I slipped up today. I had two cups of coffee today, but I'm trying to do less coffee so I can rest better. That's the main thing I think I need to do just get rest, you know, start eating better.
Speaker 2:Train like I used to yeah try to find like what I was before her. Because, um, I mean, I'm just going to say this Like when I connected with her in 2021, there were, you know, I knew that I was taking a chance and I was going to put myself out there and I knew that it could result in this, but I didn't want to, because how much I cared about this person.
Speaker 2:And yeah, I mean like I, you know it. It's sad because, like I was really happy, you know, like and like I just somehow I think I don't know how to do it and I'm never going to be that same person as back then, but I'm hoping that I can grow stronger and be better and I have to use that motivation and get there, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So basically, you're redefining yourself, you're trying to find yourself. Ooh, all right.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And how and how how old are you? If you don't mind me asking.
Speaker 2:So that's the thing too. So I'm 45. I'm not like you know, I'm not in my 20s, I'm not even in my thirties. So, like this is, it sucks. Yeah. Like I'm the good thing though, I mean I've got my've got my health, I do at least have a sport that I love.
Speaker 2:But I think what really scares me is that I had a cool thing with her. I had a running buddy. I was finally dating a runner that I love. We could share race shirts, we could show up at races together, holding on to each other, and people just knew that we loved each other. And like thinking that, like you know, that might be gone, like I may never date a runner again, I mean I should be happy that it even happened to begin with because, like you know, sometimes it just doesn't happen at all during people's lifetimes, and you know I should be happy for even that happened to begin with. But yeah, I mean it makes me sad, though, that it's gone and it might never happen again, and yeah, nothing like that. But you know, there's a lot of those negative feelings in my head and I just got to work through it.
Speaker 1:Just got to work through it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So so my, my take is, uh, next time, don't date a runner, that's the thing. That sucks, man. I mean it's so awesome, but it's just's just. Um, I think with runners, especially like, if you, I don't even think we knew at the time what was happening to us because, like, uh, we definitely changed during the course. You know, we both grew into something different and, um, yeah, I mean, um, I, I think that's the thing.
Speaker 2:If you do data runner, just know, like, I'm not a type of person but I do, I like to do big things and you know, you have to be really conscious and, again, empathetic and you know, just be mindful of what the other person wants to do. And that's hard because, like creating a, have you ever tried to create a race schedule with a runner that you're dating? That's like wow. And then you also have kids on top of that, like we both had kids. So that's just like mind-blowing stuff. Right there, it is a tough balance, but it it's. If you can pull off, it is, it is awesome. Even if it doesn't work out, I mean it's probably one of the coolest things I've ever done in my life well, maybe you have some strong boundaries too, like, hey, you run your races, I'm running mine.
Speaker 1:If we just have the same schedule, you know, you know. If we're gonna do the army 10 miler at the same uh schedule, you know, you know, if we're going to do the army 10 mile or the same time, we'll meet up, we'll, we'll travel together, but that's it.
Speaker 2:That's a tough part of it. Like we, um, like some of the ultras that I did, uh, basically, you know she wouldn't run, she, she crewed me, like she was super cool about crewing me and stuff like that. Um, yeah, that was that's. That was a real cool part also. And then, like you know, to um balance out, I would do like a marathon with her and help her vq or something. So, like we have so much history with running, like that and like, yeah, that's the thing too, like I never thought I was going to meet somebody that loves running as much as I do, like we both.
Speaker 2:It's like yeah it was almost like a movie, like. We just like like, wow, like you know, I love this person so much and they love running like I do. It was like something extra that I, you know, like, when you know, when you finally know it's over and you realize just how special that was, you're like wow, I'm probably never going to find this again. At 45, you know like, or if I do, like, I'm going to meet somebody that doesn't run and I'm always going to be wishing that that was there. It's, it's an overwhelming feeling. You know like, it's something that you don't want to think about. You know it's. I mean, like you know it's pretty dark, but, um, yeah, yeah, it's. Uh, it's gonna linger though okay, all right.
Speaker 1:So how often are you getting out in a week running?
Speaker 2:oh so I, somehow I'm doing good, man. I mean, it took, took a while to build up after getting sick and you know stuff, you know in the beginning of the breakup, but, um, last couple weeks, man, I've done 70 miles, like pretty quality miles and like some good long runs. So, um, yeah, I'm getting back, and, um, the best thing about it is that I'm running a lot alone, which is hard, but I'm running a lot alone, so I'm doing. The actual pacing and stuff that I want to do is that, you know, I I think I fell into a trap over the years. I would just want to run with other people and friends and just do races for long runs, which is good and all. If you do that, that's fine, but for me, I needed to be doing, you know, stuff on my own and doing things that I should have been doing to get better as a runner, and I think, just doing that I really took my foot off the gas.
Speaker 2:And now, though, I'm in a unique opportunity where I can train harder and maybe get stronger, maybe even better shape than I've ever been in. You know, just because I can just focus on this now it's lonely, don't get me wrong. I love the lifestyle before, you know, just always, constantly having people around it's, you know it's like a more part, like a party environment. But yeah, I feel like now I can do certain things I couldn't before and, you know, in the future I can do some bigger races that I wanted to do, that I couldn't because I was in a relationship that, um, you know, there's no way I could do something like, you know, bad water or western states, because, like the amount of money or like, um, the travel, the time away, um, but now I mean, that's a possibility and you know, I'm hoping that I can use stuff like that to help drive me to become a better runner and just like you know, know, just stronger all around.
Speaker 1:Well, if there's a will, there's a way, man, and if you qualify for Western, I'm sure you'll make time to come out here, because Western is one heck of a an accomplishment it's, you know. Ultra is a Boston, you know.
Speaker 2:I've been there before. I, I, I, um.
Speaker 2:I crewed at it before so I've seen how awesome it is and I'd like to, but, um, I really want to get into bad water. I think that's going to be my goal and I I'm not doing as many races. This year I've done a lot of races, though I think I've got I mean, like I've done so many races. I can't like there's some people that can tell you all the races off the top of their head and stuff like that, but um, I think I've done 13, 13 or like 15, 100 milers. So like I've got a pretty good resume and like this year I'm not doing that much. That you know I'm not racing that much. But if I can finish, devil dog, I mean there's, you know there's a shot to get in. I mean I can make the case and hopefully chris will, he'll listen, he'll listen to it and call my name okay, all right, okay.
Speaker 1:So, to race or not to race, you're doing one race. I'm doing one race this year, but that's like across the years, in arizona, starting december 28th, right? So, um, I'm doing this. I signed up last year, um, before finally getting the diagnosis of cancer, they were kind enough to just give me credit. So I was, like, you know, I signed up for the 48 last year. This year I'm going to sign up for the 72, because my goal is to do the six day. Right, so I'm sticking to it. I thought about doing other races here and there, but I'm just going to stick to that. So, what, what's it going to take, man, for you to just, you know, do this race, do another race, continue on, you know, doing your ultras.
Speaker 2:So I got to get up a I could give a shout out real quick um, I uh wasn't going to, I was just gonna do devil dog. Uh, just because I, you know, I do love the race and it's towards the end of the year so I can get healthy and just get some of that stuff out of my you know, that poison out of me.
Speaker 2:But, um, ainsley's angels contacted me in frederick uh, the fExpert chapter and they wanted me to push on a race. I've done it over the years with Ainsley's Angels. I love giving people a really good experience pushing them, and they contacted me the other day and they asked if I could do Sheets to Sheets. It's a 14-miler but super fun, great environment. It's just it's a 14 miler but super fun, great environment. You know it's kind of like a party and you know I did it last year. Um, you know, pushing my good friend katherine and uh, yeah, I mean like that's happy. That's the kind of stuff I need to do to get like, get re-motivated. So big shout out to them, for you know asking me to do that because that'll get my mind off of um, a race that weekend that I was supposed to be doing with my ex-girlfriend and I. It sucks.
Speaker 2:Like I had the. I was an ambassador for the Cherry Blossom 10 miler and I was I backed out though because you know that's that's her race and you know I felt really bad still doing that with um, you know, I again, I want, I, I didn't want to be like there that weekend and just like you know, I just want to give her space and stuff like that. So, um, that was tough for me to pull out of that. I hate doing that. So you know, especially when they select me to be an ambassador and you know they were giving me a hotel and, like you know, both races for the um, you know the 5k and the 10 miler, the 5k and the 10 miler and it's a it's iconic race. On top of that it's a wonderful race and they select me and I felt like just horrible that I had that.
Speaker 2:But you know the it's amazing how that works. Like I was so depressed about that. But you know ainsley's reached out to me and I can help somebody have a really good day. So you know it all balances out at the end. I'm hoping that. You know, moving forward, we'll have a lot of those situations pop up. But yeah, I get to do that. And then, you know, hopefully another race or two might pop up in the. You know, in between there and Devil Dog. But my main goal I really just want to get healthy for Devil Dog, finish Devil Dog, so I get a hundred miler this year in and then can apply to Badwater.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, so basically keep an open mind.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, like it's funny that, you know, I feel like I almost willed that to happen. With sheets to sheets, like I was just like so distraught over having to bail out from being an ambassador, it was. It was just a terrible time, like when they, um, you know, I went to the first like um party for it with all the other ambassadors and it was so much fun. You know, my girlfriend was there, we were having a blast, like I was wearing pink, everything like a pink suit. It was so cool. And then, like, um, just you know, the things got just so bad with us and, um, yeah, I, you know, not being able to do that, it was just tough and I was, you know, I was really looking forward to it.
Speaker 2:So I think that this is going to be a really healthy alternative for me. So I won't be depressed that weekend. And on top on top of that also, it's gonna be a good weekend because, like, my daughter has a dance competition. So, like, let's and normally I wouldn't do it during one of those competition weeks because I love watching her dance and being supportive but you know when, when ainsley's angels needs me, my daughter understands like okay, yeah, you can go to that because it's not like I think with Grayson was so selfish, like oh, I got to get this PR and stuff like that it's, you were totally self-absorbed. But with Ainsley's is different. I think it's a really positive environment because you're helping somebody else out and you're giving them a good day. You know, and like that's what I need right now. I need to be able to like be happy for somebody else and not just like totally self-absorbed which I am anyway, which it's horrible.
Speaker 2:But you know I, you know I just want to get past this and give you know. I want to be kind to give other people a good time and just you know, get right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got you, I got you. So. So, man, 70 miles a week though man, okay, 70, 70 miles a week.
Speaker 2:You know what's funny. So, like at my daughter's competition at Richmond a few weeks back, I was running in the morning at the hotel because we're watching them dance all day her and her dance team. This guy he saw me. I ran 10 miles on the treadmill.
Speaker 2:That may not be part of some people, but I hate the treadmill. I was always running on rough seas and getting sick and stuff like that, so I hate treadmill. But um, I did 10 just because I had to get it in at the hotel before um, they got up, because also, I would get them like their, like their starbucks and stuff like that. I was, I was trying to be like a really good dance dad. But um, this guy, like he came up he was like why are you running 10 miles on the treadmill? And I was like I'm like what's going on secret about runners? We are, we are messed up people, man. That's why we're gonna run 10 miles. Let's try for some, for some real shit, man so.
Speaker 1:So on the treadmill right. What? What do you do to pass time? Do you listen to something? Do you listen to audiobooks? Do you listen to music?
Speaker 2:I'm gonna be honest. I mean, like I've never really been much to run with music. Um, I've reviewed some, some um headphones, uh the like the wireless headphones, like I don't know what they call, the phone conducting ones. Like I I've reviewed a couple of those. I believe in the run I write uh gear reviews and I do like using them. I think they're awesome because I'm a big podcast guy, um, you know, I like listening to sports podcasts and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:OK.
Speaker 2:But like normally I don't listen to anything. I mean I've got some. I've got so much shit in my head, man, like I've got to sort stuff out, and I know that sounds insane, but that's just kind of is insane.
Speaker 1:That, that. That is insane, because when I get a lot of stuff on my mind, it's either you know lately you know audiobook or music, you know, or sometimes podcasts. But if I'm on the dreadmill or stair climber, I have to put on some uh rogan at least, and you know, watch the interview, just to pass time.
Speaker 2:So it's so weird like, um, um, when, when I first started running, like I was so messed up for my divorce Like I don't I think about this period all the time Like I was so motivated Like I would just go out I mean, it wasn't like super fast or anything, but I would just go out and do like 20 miles and, um, I didn't have a watch. I, uh, I had, you know, the step counter on my phone. I use the step counter on my phone at the time and I would just like I would just listen to so much music like mainly eighties, heavy metal Like I just like was just get freaking, fired up man, like I, I loved it. And like it's weird, like towards the end of my relationship, I kept thinking back to that man. I would give anything just to not race. If I could just get out of all the races I'm signed up for, if I could just be alone, if I could feel like I was before, I would be happy. I think, subconsciously, I ended up acting on that.
Speaker 2:Sometimes, man, when life gets you like that you just have to be alone and like I mean, it's just therapeutic. You know, um, I, so I'm not listening to music now. But I think I just, with everything that's happened, it's like it's so loud in my head right now I mean I hope at some point I get back to really listening to. I love music, you know, I know I there's there's so much cool stuff with music and running. I miss that whole life.
Speaker 2:But um, yeah, I've got so much stuff to sort of sort out up there. I don't think I got you. I hope, I hope I get there one day I can just like jam out to music. But also another thing too I've ran with so many people over the last like few years and, like you know, like with run clubs and like my ex-girlfriend and stuff like that, I just like talking. You know I am a talker, as you can see. I mean like I enjoy talking to people. And yeah, I'm in a weird place right now. Man, I'm a very special person, but I just also, I don't know, I'm weird. I'm a weird nomad right now.
Speaker 1:I got know I'm weird, I'm a weird nomad right now. I got you, I got you, but yeah, you feel like a nomad, but outside, looking in you're, you're not because you like to run with others, I mean, you know me. On the other hand, I'm total opposite man. I do everything alone. I don't like and believe it or not, I don't really like running with people. I don't like being around people.
Speaker 2:I mean, like, how can I explain this? Like, I'm kind of this weird man. I'm kind of I'm with you on that and I think that's what drove me to, you know, breaking up with my girlfriend. I just I needed to find my own peace, I needed to be alone, but at the same time I I create, I do crave people and being around. Like that's why I ran in fragsburg today.
Speaker 2:I ran with some friends, my friend rachel, I mean like, um, it's amazing. Like when you're going through some shit, like the people that come out, it's like the people you at least expect to come out and support you. You're like, wow, this person actually, you know this person actually cares about you out, like so like I think that's an amazing part about this too. Like when you're finding yourself, you find out who, like like I never knew I had an ally in this person, you know, like it's really interesting. Um, so, yeah, I mean, like when I'm alone though, I feel like it's more just a recharge. Like I love being around people, with people and making people laugh.
Speaker 2:Like that was one of the things. Like, oh my god, what so? Like when me and my ex-girlfriend first started running because she wasn't running. At the time she took like a break and um, I helped get her back in shape by doing like five k's and stuff like that and I would just try to make her laugh the whole time because I know she was, you know, just suffering because she hadn't ran fast or anything like that in a while. But she's an athlete, so for like somebody that's dormant with running, I mean it's easy to get back into it, but like she would be like suffering and I would just like say I would just hit her with all the funniest stuff I had in my arsenal and yeah, man, I just I got nothing left. Man, I tried to put everything I couldn't to her and you know, again I could. I should have been more empathetic down the line, but I got to get all that stuff back man.
Speaker 2:I mean, I am a person, I can be a cool guy, but I suck. Right now I need to be a nomadic guy just to kind of get that back and recharge and be a better.
Speaker 1:What's cool about the running community? They're so forgiving and also so loving. You know, the camaraderie is there. You don't have to be every in everyone's face 24, seven. If you show up, you continue to. You know, support the race, support each other. They, they come around and you know, uh, I might sound like you know that. You know I don't give two craps about someone. But you know, when I see or hear or you know somebody's in the race and I see them, I give them a hug. You know, and they're like oh, I appreciate the hug. You know, it's just, it's just one of the things I do. But, man, I do a lot of loan though. I do alone the miles and everything else. And to prepare for this race, I ended up to get this. I ended up getting a, because I normally crew myself and I have everything in a pack, uh, like a 20 not 20, but like almost a 20 to 40 uh liter pack. I ended up getting a jog uh stroller, so so I can put my water there and I should be.
Speaker 2:That's a cool guy thing to do. I should. I should have done that already, like especially during covid man. Oh my god, like the amount I ran during covid I was. Yeah, I should have done that, like I, I would. Just I got to the point I one day I ran a marathon around a field, like around the field, like the farm I lived. I just ran a marathon around a field.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that that's my goal. It should be coming in today. I finally told the wife I was like, yeah, I got a stroller. She's like what. My kids were like what yeah, I got a stroller, why did you get a stroller? So I can do these multiple day runs by myself and just train for the 72 hour race. So so, yeah, so, doing things, try to uh change things up, trying to go on these destination runs. You know that I've been planning and yeah, it's. I've got a couple things to tell you real quick, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So, like I want to. I want to tell people that I I did run with in the past, like if I don't talk to you, it's nothing you did, if I don't follow you back. You know there's a weird, um, there's a weird way of you know reasoning why I'm doing things I am right now. It's not anything you're doing, I just have to deal my own certain way. You know I love everybody that I've ever ran with. You know it's a great community and I hope I am able to at some point get back. But yeah, you know, you know just understand what I'm going through and you know I love you all. But I hope that I hope I can be out there running with you all soon. No-transcript the. What do you? What? What? So there's a race that laz came up with. Oh, yeah, w yes, so like that is an awesome adventure race. If you get a chance to do that one, you go from uh, knoxville, tennessee, to bristol, virginia. Yeah, it's wild, you got to do it. It's, I think it's 119 miles. It's like a mini ball state. Basically, that sounds like something that you would really like and it's just um, yeah, it's a really cool experience.
Speaker 2:I did. I I almost got into adventure racing during covid, um, just because all the races were gone. That's how I did bloody 11w. Uh, I'd like to do like ball state and something. I was on the wait list for ball state actually this year but, um, I couldn't pull it off with. Like, that's the problem with me, and multi-day races, like being, you know, like a dad and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I think the most I can do a hundred milers and you know, what I'm probably going to gravitate towards doing is doing just one big race a year, like if is doing just one big race a year, like if I can get in the bad water, say, I'd like, yeah, I'd like to do the fuji 100, like if I could possibly pull that off, um, you know, just stuff like that. Uh, comrades, that's another one like I think like even those are those races are crazily expensive. I was looking at how much I spent, oh my gosh. Like I was looking at how much I spent on races in the past and don't get me wrong, I love doing a bunch of races every year, but when you add it up, you could do like a destination race like that, oh, yeah, and you know, I feel like this I'm getting the point where, like I did so many races over the years and just like back to back, like weekend after weekend after weekend, like that's what really would like burn me out, I think, and got me injured and sick and all that.
Speaker 2:But if you just do like one or two a year or three, that's probably what I need to do, just so I can balance out the rest of my life. Because, like, yeah, if you're doing, if you're doing like multiple alters a year, and then you have your parenting, you have a relationship, I mean like, yeah, you're probably going to get pneumonia and you're probably going to mess up your life.
Speaker 1:To get to that, that you know that thought and that aspect in life. Was it difficult, were you able to? I mean, how did you come up with that thought, man of uh, you know one or two or three races a year just to get life back?
Speaker 2:you know manage it's, it's rough man, like I miss that life so bad. Like I miss like seeing all my friends out there. I love the lifestyle. Man, I'll tell you this, lying down for a week, not being able to run, getting sick constantly Pneumonia was the worst man, having to constantly go back to the hospital. I know it's not as bad as it's not as like bad as other illnesses and stuff like that, but I was messed up. I mean, like I got to the point I was so run down, yeah, and I think that was just the culmination of years.
Speaker 2:And um, yeah, as hard as is to come off of that. I mean, so I've told a few people of this like coming off of, like the races I've done. Like you can look at my ultra sign up. I'm a nut and there's like stuff I did that it's not even on there, like I just I would do stuff back to back to back and then, um, it's like coming off drugs. I mean it's, it's very hard to stop that lifestyle, but you know, for me I had to just tell myself. You know you gotta chill out, man, like that's. And you know this year is very hard. This is the first year in a while that I've, you know, been.
Speaker 2:I've been this like conservative with my race schedule yeah like I said, I wasn't even going to do more than one race. But you know, uh, ainsley's angels contacted me and you know, like, I hope they contact me for other stuff. I'd love that, that's. I think that would help get me out of the rut. I'm in, just you know, doing other races with them. But, you know, hopefully another opportunity presents itself also. But I just want to do some like wholesome stuff and stuff that will help others and, just you know, heal myself.
Speaker 2:And yeah, it is so hard to stop that lifestyle though I, I mean, yeah, it's just, it's such a hell of a ride and I miss it dearly. Yeah, did you, did you run in high school? So this is an interesting story. Like, um, I did track in middle school, not even like a minute. Like I was, just, I was a terrible student, I was an idiot. I was partying, constantly chasing girls. Um, yeah, I, I wish I did so badly. Like, so, like with my daughter, I, um, I, you know, I, she's done some races with me, she's done some 5ks and she's done some local races here, like the kid races, and, uh, you know, I tried to lead her into running, but, um, she, she's a dancer and, like um, I hope that you know she explores other sports also, but, like you know, I don't ever want to lead her away from what she loves.
Speaker 2:That's probably one of my biggest regrets in life is I didn't get to do track and field Not track and field, but cross country in high school. I think that would have been a really good experience. Then I could have married a runner. I could have actually had a good life. No, I'm kidding. No, I really regret not doing that, because everyone knew I liked running in high school. I was an idiot man. I couldn't have the discipline to get the right grades and I just wanted to either skip or smoke weed or just something stupid.
Speaker 1:I couldn't get together smoke, weed or just like something stupid. You know, I um I couldn't get together, so I'm trying. I mean, dude, you've been full tilt since 2017. A lot of runners that I've had on the podcast man. They started 2017 and they're phenomenal athletes, but it's like what happened 2017 that got you full tilt.
Speaker 2:I am so glad you're asking this question. I've been having thoughts about this and I've been having a lot of conversations. The period of 2017 to 2019, in my opinion, that was the best ever for running. It was a weird period where social media wasn't that prevalent yet and people were just running to run and having a good time and meet people. It was so genuine and so pure and like that's the period where I met, uh, you know, my ex-girlfriend. Like we met at a, we met at a valentine's day race and like I was just smitten and, like you know, it took time, you know, yeah, for us to, like you know, get together, but like I just felt like that was easier back then with social media. Now, yeah, this is yeah, I don't want to say the run community is toxic, because I love the community, but like it's, it's not like how it used to be. It was just so awesome and I think covid messed up a lot of stuff with, like you know, everyone started using automated stuff more, more like new to eat and then like social media for, like you know, the post of the runs, because we were doing virtual shit. For, like you know, a year, like you know, running across Tennessee, you know, and stuff like that, and that was great. I'm so glad that Laz and Steve Durbin did the great virtual race across Tennessee because it was so fun, like that's that, with all the races gone, that was my thing, you know, I was just like trying to do lots of miles on that. And then the athletes that did it also like you know, like Harvey Lewis, like oh, I'm going to try to get, I'm going to try to keep up with Harvey today. It was so fun and I think the downside to it, like as fun as that was like I know a lot of people had a miserable experience with COVID. I had a wonderful time. I was just running constantly I do like a 50k in the morning and then staying with my daughter all day and watch scooby-doo and eat food and just like chill out. It was amazing.
Speaker 2:But, um, I think the aftermath of that and how the running community shifted after that to more automation, more, um, you know, just social media involved it's, it's not like it used to be. I mean like and I think that a lot of people back there before covid, I think now we're just kind of like I mean, maybe I'm just old, but I'm, I'm. I'm thinking about yesteryear a lot and that maybe that's also why I wanted to just be alone, cause, like when I was training for like my first marathon, I was just running alone. I never ran with people ever.
Speaker 2:Like I felt like so shy to want to run with other runners in the club because I hadn't ran a marathon, so I was like I have to do this first. It was like so stupid, but like I liked it. Like you know, again I would listen to heavy metal music. I would just be me and I would, you know, just thinking all these like really positive thoughts, like I can win the race, like you know, like I can do this and I've done good run races before, like I've. I've won in like podium races before, but I've never been like that dude. You know, like I, I just like doing the experience, man, but I was just. I feel like back then it was just, it was so much more positive and the sport was pure and I loved it. It was a great time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, all right. When you are in the mood to listen to music while running, who is your go-to artists?
Speaker 2:Oh God, what is your go-to? Anything like hard. I was just like basically, um, this was before, like remember when, like, um, you had download music individually, like back in the day, like for me. So like I, I just would download like an album and just be like you know, I would just go out and just like listen to that one on repeat, like I would maybe get like a metallic album, um, just just anything I would. I would go on like all musiccom be like what sounds like this, what sounds like that, so like I would actually also just really get into music too. That way it was. It was awesome. Okay, I had a good time doing that. Just like researching stuff, like what, who's the hardest out there, you know, just like stuff. That would just really fire me up yeah, I got you, I got you.
Speaker 1:So you're, uh, from start to the album, to the end of the album. Right that, start to finish. You're that type of person. You're not a playlist guy, so this is weird.
Speaker 2:I'm um, I don't like playlists. Normally same same. Yeah, when I, when I drive, it's a little bit different. I mean, I listen to podcasts but I might like if the podcast gets slow they're talking about something boring that I'm not into. Then I'll throw on like a couple songs just to get fired back up and get my energy up. But, like it's so weird, like certain bands I can't listen to when I'm not running.
Speaker 2:Like this might give me some enemies on social media, but like Tool, for instance, I used to love Tool growing up but my attention span again, probably from social mediaiktok and stuff like that is just fried. So like an 11 minute song with different moods and stuff like that that they're trying to set. You know, it's hard to really appreciate that now unless I'm running. If I'm running and like you know, I feel like those songs work really well because you're going through a process, you might get to a low point and you're there in the song in the low point and then it helps you get your momentum back. Yeah, it works better when I run, like certain songs, but yeah, it's weird, like when I'm driving or just in normal life, I'm like they'll put me to sleep. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:yeah, I gotcha, I gotcha. Okay, all right. So I'm yeah, I'm getting what you're putting down. So so my favorite two albums man, especially lately and it sounds weird, but man, I was always a fan of uh, painkiller by judas priest okay, the that album. The album is top notch if you just want to get away and not worry about a slow song. And then dude, chevelle anything from chevelle is a great, uh, it's great to work out with, but their latest one or their last one, not a ross, anyways, it's more earthy, more sci-fi, ish, oh man, it's one of the best albums to check out to, if, if, if you're in the mood just to get away and, you know, bring the focus on running and speed and everything else.
Speaker 2:So check that out, check that out One thing that really kind of changed me with music, and this is probably why I don't listen to music as much as I used to. And I'm not blaming my daughter, but I think because pretty much when I'm driving I'm with her, yeah, and we listen to just pop. Like, yeah, man, like I can't tell you how much and like musicals Like she listens to, like you know she's a dancer and like she wants to listen to, like basically just musicals, like the Wicked Out, the Wicked soundtrack oh, my God, man, like I've listened to that with her countless times hamilton, um, like all the disney stuff and like, um, yeah, that's not me at all, but, um, I think, because I just listened to that, maybe I've kind of lost. I've lost like any kind of like, um, all that stuff, like I had with like music in 2017. It's just kind of gone, man.
Speaker 2:And then also like when you're in music in 2017, it's just kind of gone, man. And then also like when you're in a relationship you know it's hard to like I tried to cater as much as I could. I mean, I had completely different musical tastes than my ex-girlfriend but, like you know, you try to cater as best you can. So, like musically, I don't even know who I am anymore. That's one thing. Maybe I could get back. I don't even know who I am anymore.
Speaker 1:That's one thing. Maybe I could get back, maybe not. You got to stay true, man. You got to stay true. I got three daughters and a wife for almost 20 years. There's no way I'm not going to watch Wicked. I put Boundary up, man. I put Boundary.
Speaker 2:Well, I've seen Wicked already. I've done so much kid stuff. Uh, yeah, I'm, yeah, I'm kind of soft now, man, like I mean like again when I run also, it's just you know, it's just kind of like it's my time just to unwind and, you know, just kind of get meditative or whatever. It's weird, I'm. I'm in a weird place, man, when it comes to, like pop culture, music. Well, in a lot of things though, man, and a lot of things, you're in a weird place, you, when it comes to like pop culture, music.
Speaker 1:Well, in a lot of things, though, man, in a lot of things you're in a weird place, you know. Not not saying anything negative, it's just like right now it sounds like you are still trying to find yourself, man, you know, and what happened with me is like um, and this, this is tough man like I'm.
Speaker 2:I'm not blaming anybody for my issues, but I think I tried to help so many people as best I could. I mean, just being a caregiver alone is a hard job. I mean I was a caregiver for somebody with cerebral palsy guy, but it's tough and you do that and you know, like you're a dad and you have a girlfriend and you know it's just like I think if you just go all in on the on those three things alone, you can definitely lose yourself. And I think, moving forward, I've never and that's the weird thing Like I've always been, like I've never been scared of losing myself. You know I never thought it could possibly happen and it did, you know. So like that's something to be mindful of.
Speaker 2:Moving forward and setting boundaries, yeah, and I I don't even. It's something I'm definitely gonna have to work on doing, because I don't know how to do it Still, even after what's happened to me. But I'm hoping you know as sad as the situation is with me in the time of my life I'm in, I can use it to protect myself later. I think, if anything, that would be a happy ending in some aspect, you know so it's almost like you're going through a midlife crisis, but not really.
Speaker 1:Well, it's weird.
Speaker 2:That's another thing. Like with running, I feel like with running I can go into my divorce in my you know, my thirties, you know late thirties. I feel like that was running might have been my midlife crisis to begin with. Like I always ask myself, like, when's going to be? When is going to be the last year I run? You know, like, was it? Was it just a midlife crisis? You know, like, I love running with everything I have. It's my identity, it's who I am as a person. I never want to leave it but, like I've been, I've been exploring a lot lately, like why do people quit running?
Speaker 2:Like, was it because, like, mental health stuff was because of relationship? Like you know, you didn't want to see that person at a race. You know you didn't want to. You didn't want to be connected to people that were associated with you before you had this tragedy happen. Um, was it an injury?
Speaker 2:You know, like, what makes people stop running? You know it's really interesting to think about and, you know, I hope that doesn't happen to me. Maybe that's why I motivate myself, motivate myself to keep running, because I don't want it to happen ultimately. But it is tough, man. I mean, like, once you hit that wall and something really hard happens in life to keep doing these things. Like just what kind of? What kind of psychopath just gets up and wants to run like 20 miles by themselves.
Speaker 2:You know, like how do you? I think about that, like my God, like how did I have so much motivation to do it? Like was I really that bad after my divorce? You know, it's just so interesting to think about and like I try to tell myself, like you've been here before, you can do this, get yourself out of the gutter and go in a run. But, um, yeah, I've been thinking a lot about people's motivations and that's one positive about social media with me as much as, like I I kick it. I feel like seeing people's workouts and, like you know, seeing them fired up. I don't get jealous of them like some people like I'd like to see it because, like it does help me. I'm, like you know, this person's going through some real shit right now and like I can apply it to my situation. Be like you know, I just got to get myself together. Like you know, somebody with cancer, somebody with, like you know, some some serious issues, you know that stuff fires me up yeah, and a lot of things too.
Speaker 1:You gotta, you gotta realize man a lot of that stuff is fake too.
Speaker 2:Man a lot of it's fake man honestly, I don't care if it is fake, because if it helps, I look at this way, man. If it helps you get me through my shit I've been like is it really bad? You know, I don't care if they're trying to get likes. If they can help motivate me and make me happy, I'm not going to knock them. I mean, they're trying to do some good for somebody. I think there is some positives to it. But I get what you're saying, man, and I even agree no-transcript, shoot for all your runs and whatnot yeah, if it's not on strava, it didn't happen.
Speaker 1:If you didn't take a picture before, during or after a race, it didn't happen. You know, and I'm just, I just go out there and do it, and if it's a 11 minute mile, it's 11 minute mile. I don't care if it's a 10, if it's a 9, if it's an 8. You know, I just do it, so I think the problem is this, you know, I.
Speaker 2:I think that what probably makes me most annoyed about the whole thing is, you know, know, it's so funny. Like you know, the jokes are always, like you know, running such an inexpensive sport, but you have, like you know, your watch your shoes like you need a shoe, I mean, like, if you're doing heavy miles. It is not an expensive sport. And I think what happens now is because running has become so commercial and people are profiting off of it and there's influencers. You're, you know, especially if you want to do an expensive race, you're going to have to sell out to some extent. You are, I mean, like, unless you're, like you know, making a lot of money and you can, you know, you can just, like you know, just eat the cost. Yeah, I mean, you're going to have to sell out a little bit, and that's just.
Speaker 2:I think a lot of people, uh, even if they didn't want to do the, you know, the photos, the photo shoot style, instagram posts and stuff like that, a lot of them have had this or come to that, myself included, because you know many people do that yeah, I know and you know what I'm guilty and I, you know I I sit here and talk shit, but you know I I do the same thing and I think it's just because you know you're going back back to all the races and stuff that I've done.
Speaker 2:You know like it helps you, it helps pay for your gear and it helps with bibs and stuff like that. But I'm hoping in the future I don't have to do as much and the stuff I do like you know I love to write, I love to do podcasts I want to do that stuff genuinely and not trying to get something in return. But I feel like, just because you're so desperate, because stuff's expensive and you're trying to like get gear, you end up selling out like that and I don't want to do that. I want to do stuff that's genuine and I want to be able to do my own art. You know how I want to do it and you know okay.
Speaker 1:Well, when do you think bad water is going to come around, man?
Speaker 2:so I'm going to apply in january but I have got to finish devil dog. But I think that's part of my motivation because, like with devil dog, I've finished it twice and I've dnf'd twice and like the way the times I dnf'd it were, just they were bad like I just um, both times I think I got no okay. The first time I dnf'd I got to like mile 60 and I was having some major issues. That one was understandable because I did stupid amount of races that year. Second time it was in 2023, I believe I had the energy to finish it and I did a lot of races that year too. But it just started pouring rain for hours. I had a poncho on, the water was going through the poncho somehow I was just soaked and, um, I didn't have proper rain gear and I got to mile 75 and that's just. It sucks on 100 mile if you get to like oh yeah, or 80, like I. I've gotten that. You know I've gotten to 90 in dnf to race before night it happens, man it happens that's freaking brutal.
Speaker 2:So, like this year, I'm trying to get pacers, I'm trying to get people that you know to come out and help, uh, crew me, and stuff like that. Because I'm like you man, like my first, oh my gosh, like my first few attempts at ultras and a lot of my ultras, I would just go alone and just like not have crew and just do it. And I've had success doing it, that I've won a race doing it that way before, like I couldn't have anyone come out and the race is like in new jersey and, um, yeah, like I, I've somehow, like I don't know how, like fired up and just did on my own. But there's other times, man, I just like I'll just quit a race. It's like I'm done, you know, like I I just get, I get, I get dark man, it's just, um, it's just not there and I don't want that to happen this year and I'm totally understand that I I'm trying to use motivation from you know, bad work, because that's something I've wanted to do my whole life.
Speaker 2:Like I was one of those guys that watched, like the Running on the Sun doc, when I was, like you know, very young, and like people do that, what the hell is this for? Like, I used to think ultra running was just like reserved for, like you, certain people. Like you could, like, nobody can do it. Like, you can sign up for an ultra, like when I first yeah, yeah, you can sign up for that as, like a civilian, they let you do that. Maybe they shouldn't be, maybe they should have qualifiers, I don't know. Like, uh, yeah, I, I, um, I I've always wanted to do bad war, so I'm hoping that, because I'm in a place now that I can do that, I, um, I'll you, you know, I'll utilize this opportunity and also shout out to the devil dog race director because, like when everything went downhill with my girlfriend or ex-girlfriend, um, I told him I was like, hey, give the bib to charity, give it to somebody that doesn't have money that's going to appreciate the race is because I don't appreciate running right now.
Speaker 2:And I was just saying like all this horrible stuff about myself, and he was like, yeah, yeah, okay, okay. And then, uh, his name is pat, basically, uh, I messaged him like, I think, like last week, I was like, don't give my good name, but I'm coming back. And he was like, uh, he's like, I thought you were gonna do that, john. So like, yeah, the rink community is cool, there's people like that, yeah, and I'm I'm. He knew that I was going through some shit and he knew I'd be back and hopefully I can finish that race this time. I got to you know I'm two for two man. I got to get, I got to get over 500 on it and maybe be able to do something good moving forward with it.
Speaker 1:What? What's your go-to snack? What's your go-to man? No, just training during the race.
Speaker 2:I'm going to be honest with you, man. Like, um, I hate gels and I, for a while, I use them, and they're expensive. I think they're horrible. They give me diarrhea.
Speaker 2:I'm just gonna be honest with you, man, I can't stand gels and um, I'm at the point now, uh, I would, if it's an ultra, or, like you know, just um, you know, if I'm doing like an old, like an ultra style, like paced run, or I'm up, I'm doing like a faster, like marathonish run or, like you know, 5k or whatever I, I wouldn't need for a 5k, but, um, you know what I'm saying like, um, faster, slower, I like, just like you know, like the, the gummies that kids have, the, uh, the snacks, the welch's. They're the best thing, they're cheap. It's like the same exact shit that you get from, like you know, know, whatever, uh, from goo, or just like whatever you want to call those gels. Um, yeah, I like those. They're cheaper and they don't mess with my stomach. That's my go-to. Those things are awesome. You can use them in any situation and you're good.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, the one piece of equipment that you have to have when running, training or racing, the one piece of equipment that you need.
Speaker 2:So this is what messes me up. I mean I have to have a good shoe rotation and, like, the way I have to keep it is I run out with a lot of different shoes. I think right now I have like 10 pairs of shoes that rotate between maybe even more. If something gets old, I just like try to get a new pair of shoes in there. And that's stressful because, like you know, um I you have to keep the rotation going, but, um, when, like, multiple ones die out, like I just get like so overwhelmed.
Speaker 2:So, um, yeah, having a proper shoe rotation to me it's helped keep me from injury. Um, also, I can vary my, you know, different workouts with, like you know, tempo runs for, like you know, certain shoes, um, or like slower runs, and then like shoes that are dying I'll use for, like you know, like junkier miles and stuff like that. I don't know, I'm sorry you can use that term, that's, that's a horrible term to even use, but just, if I'm doing like a slower pace run, I get it, I get it. Yeah, so, like, for me, I don't care what kind of clothes I wear, I don't care what kind of, like you know, pack I have, or anything like that. My go-to is just having that proper sugar rotation, because if you don't have that, I mean, like you know, anytime I got injured, pretty much was because I had a four, two rotation and um you know, I'm just pushing my race.
Speaker 2:I shouldn't have been and I'm cheap too, so like I've. I've had situations where I had like racing shoes and just I know they're expensive. You know, you like carbon plated ones that I just pushed way too long just because I didn't want to buy another pair. Yeah, like like they're cracking in half and stuff and I'm like don't do it because, like they're just expensive and um, yeah, that that's, it's just knowing when they're like you know, toss those, like you recycle those and just um keeping that rotation proper what's your go-to shoe man?
Speaker 2:right now. What brand? Wow, oh man. So this is gonna be funny.
Speaker 2:But, um, I've always been a fan of like the nike vaporfly and AlphaFly. I can never afford it, but when I do have those shoes, gosh man, I mean like there's so, there's so fun to run it. It's like I love doing ultras and stuff like that. I've never been a fast ultra runner, so I kind of with ultras like any kind of trail, so you'll just wear it. But when I'm running a marathon it's more finesse and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:So like running a marathon with like an alpha fly or a vapor fly, it's just a treat, you know, it's just like one of those things. It's, it's beauty, I mean like I know it sounds weird, but it's just, it's almost like a vacation man, you're just like. You know it's. I feel like it's the shoe. When you have a shoe that's like your shoe, that feels wearing on a race like that, you know the race is fun, you're just. Everything is perfect. And I feel like Nike's got to the point with the vapor fly, vapor fly and alpha fly. That it's just. I know they're expensive, but if you're able to get that shoe, it's just a wonderful experience, okay.
Speaker 1:And you're sticking to it, right?
Speaker 2:I mean I I never ended up in that shoe. I always get like the cheap carbon plate shoe, but you know what's also a in that shoe. I always get like the cheap, uh, carbon plate shoe, but you know it's also a dependable shoe. Um, the Atreyu uh, I forget what they're called right now Um, they have a racing model. It might even be called a racing model because all their stuff is, like you know, scaled down. It's just kind of like you know it's the cheapest carbon plate shoe out there.
Speaker 2:I believe you can with like a coupon. You can get it, I think, under a hundred dollars or right at a hundred. I run in that a lot. Um, okay, yeah, I mean that that's my go-to training shoe and you can even use on a race if you want to. But yeah, it's funny, like on the on the lower side of the spectrum, the uh, yeah, the tray you want. It's amazing too, just because it's so cheap and it's a good carbon plated shoe okay, so carbon plated shoes, that's your go-to I mean, if I'm gonna run like a road race, that's it.
Speaker 2:Um, and that'll be interesting for, like you know, if I do get into bad water, what shoe to wear for that I know a lot of people because I've done the uh, the bad water cape year. It's funny too, because they were showing me some of their shoes on that race. Like, yeah, I wore this on 135 and it's like she's like falling apart, it's like melted and shit. Yeah, yeah, I think for that race I'm not going to try to smoke, like, of course, like a on a marathon, so, like, I'll probably just get like a pair like the bondi, like the hookah bondi or something like that. Yeah, yeah, just something that's stacked up high, that if it does melt a little bit on that hard, you know, uh, on the harder on the road and stuff like that, uh, you know it'll be okay.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I just for certain, for certain races it's all about comfort. And then others, you know, like, I like to go out and run fast, but I mean that's always why I know ultra runners don't like merit ladders and stuff like that. I know there's it's a different world, but, um, I like all forms of running. Like I said, you know I'm very passionate about running in general. It's my life. I don't care if it's a mile, I don't care if it's 100 miles, I you know, I love it now, are you, are you ready for the heat?
Speaker 1:that's a different kind of heat, man. You guys have to deal with humidity over in virginia, but this one is like different heat, this hot, heat, hot. So are you willing to, you know, take it and make it your own.
Speaker 2:Basically, like, um, at my gym we've got a sauna. I plan on living in that thing. You know, if I could, if you watch all the docs and, like you know, if you follow the people that do the race, they usually build a sauna in their house. Um, I might house, um, I might do something like that. I mean, it's not gonna be as fancy as others, but, um, yeah, I, I plan on doing things of that nature. And you're training in the heat wearing, um, you know wearing clothes, you know overdressing on runs like trash bags or whatever, but I got to get in first once I get in, I'll you know.
Speaker 1:Once I, if I can get in, I'll definitely come up with unique ways to suffer and be ready for the heat yeah, well, this past uh summer I was uh in the, I was in arizona and san bernardino, you know the california area and man, by the time, it's like five, six o'clock, man, it's like over 100 degrees, dude it's.
Speaker 2:You gotta get that run in like early am yeah, it sucks, man.
Speaker 1:So I ended up, you know, getting there early in the am and finishing and like right before the pm started so I was like yes, I'm done. All right, let's go enjoy myself for a bit.
Speaker 2:So like two, two years ago, I went to florida on vacation with my, um, my family, and uh, yeah, I mean, it's the humidity there is crazy, and it was like one of those I think it was the hottest day on record at the time like one of the days I went out and ran, like my strategy always, always, um, run early and then, like like in the middle of the night also, so I would do two runs and try to get, like you know, I don't know, like 10, 15 miles throughout the day. But, um, I'm going back to florida next and I'm going to. So I'm going to, I'm going to hang out with some legends there. I'm not, you know, follow me, follow my adventure on social media, you'll see some cool people I'm going to be hanging out with. But basically, yeah, that's probably what I'm going to do there, or do, unfortunately, some treadmill if I have to during the day.
Speaker 2:But, uh, I mean, like that, that's the thing with florida. I mean like I wish I could train there if I do get in the bad water, because, like, I feel like the florida runners have an advantage over anybody because that humidity is brutal, like running there years back. I was just thinking the whole time like this is the best trading possible. Like that's why these people are so fit. I mean they are like it's so it's so rough to run out there and I mean I know they don't have bills and stuff like that, but I mean, if you can run fast in that humidity, you can do anything. In my opinion and I know that the whole like poor man's birth thing, that's that's fake but like if you can just go out there and get it out in that, in that humidity, I I feel like you can run in any temperature. That's my opinion.
Speaker 1:Right yeah, that humidity makes a difference, even Virginia humidity, man. I remember running into that.
Speaker 2:It's tough, but like compared to Florida man, and so like this is so funny. Like when I went last time with Florida I was just I couldn't believe how rough it was Like. And then, coming back to Virginia, I mean I felt good Like I probably had advantage over other runners and stuff like that and it helped me to other races. But um, yeah, man, I, as bad as Virginia, can get. Wow, like Florida, florida man, yeah.
Speaker 1:I just remember. You know you get done taking a shower after a workout and you're still sweating after.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'd wait. I'd wait like an hour, like normally, like a year. I, you know, I try to shower, I wake because it's gross, but like I in florida, I'd have to like wait an hour or even, like you know, kind of just like take a, like a pre-shower, then go swim or something, and then you know, and then take another shower yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:So january you're gonna apply yeah, I think that's when.
Speaker 2:I think that's when it opens up to apply. We'll see. Like I said, I've got a really long running history. I've done the bad water cape here two times. But I mean, you know, it's a limited amount of runners and they all have a lot of experience, so we'll see. I mean, if I don't get in, I've got, I've got other races to do. That will you know, make you know, make me a better candidate on the next um application process. But I feel like I can make a compelling case and I've got a good story. And you know, I know chris from doing kp here. He knows what I'm about and I'm confident. But I I'm not cocky though, you know, because I know that there's some people are so motivated right now and like especially coming off the year, I am you know like.
Speaker 2:I mean, you know, I feel like again I can make a case, but there's so many good runners out there, so there's so many motivated runners and you know, hopefully, my story and what I've done so far in my running, my running career, that will allow me. You know the ability I got you.
Speaker 1:I got you, I got you, so I got you. Man, you know, and just hearing your story, hearing what you've gone through, you had a crappy year, I thought I had one, but yeah, you, you had a crappy year and, and you know, you have your site moving forward and moving forward. You know, like all of us, it seems to me that you're going to have to continue to move forward and find your true self before getting further ahead. So I feel like once you do find yourself, You're going to be on that out man. So oh gosh.
Speaker 2:I've got work to do. I know it's going to be tough.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So so my, my thing is continue talking to people, man, continue. You know, if you, if you have a counselor, continue, but I continue running. That's the biggest therapy of them all. But you got, you got to talk to somebody. You got to talk to somebody, man, I, I'm a social worker, so I I totally get it, not trying to, you know, do therapy or anything, but yeah, got to work on yourself and man don't think you're, don't don't think too negative about yourself, especially when it comes to trying to find a girl.
Speaker 2:Like I just I. I miss that, I just I. I just hope that I'm able to find somebody in the running community again. It was beautiful experience and maybe somebody that can you know. I think it's like this you can't force your piece. If it doesn't work, it's not that person's fault, it's not your fault, it just didn't work. I'm not going to blame her and I'll always have love in my heart for her. It was an amazing experience.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But if it doesn't work, you know just it's not going to work, you know, you just can't do it.
Speaker 1:Well, maybe keep an open mind to not have or not try to get a a girl that's in the running community. That's my thoughts too.
Speaker 2:You know that's tough, but that's tough. Man, like I said, I'm, I'm, I'm, I love this. It's like a part of my life. Just, you know, I it's a huge part of my life and to have somebody in the community is like there's nothing better. There's really nothing better, but I know all of a sudden that. But you know that's not the way things work and you can't force it. And maybe I did try to force this relationship and it ate me alive.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then you guys are going to, you're going to continue the cycle, though you know, and then something happens. Then you're going to have to avoid certain routes, certain you know you'll go past a gas station on, you know, or a landmark or something. You're going to be like damn it. I remember that, man.
Speaker 2:this is one time yeah, that's where that argument occurred. Or like you know something that was really good and you start crying out of nowhere. It's just like it's like the along, you see, it's like this man, a long run already sucks enough. Like you're going out there 16, 20, 18, whatever miles, I mean like, and you have to fight those kind of thoughts also. At the same time, it is brutal and you know like it's one thing if you're running with other people and maybe that's also why I don't want to run with other people right now, because, like, I don't want to say anything out of anger anymore. I don't want to, you know, get emotional out of nowhere. I mean, like, some of this shit right now I just have to deal with on my own. It's like, you know, you just have to face your demon in the mirror and just you know, whatever happens happens man yeah, exactly, and you know what?
Speaker 1:keep keep trucking with your, your daughter, keep being the father that you are to her man, and enjoy hamilton, enjoy moana 2, enjoy all those, man you know, all these live action disney movies yeah, let's go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the new lilo and stitch live action looks pretty decent. I might end up hitting that, you know, and yeah, but man, you'll find yourself, man, and you know if, if and when you do get into bad water, hit me up. We'll definitely, uh, connect again on on the podcast and make an episode, you know before or after, and uh, yeah, definitely keep in touch please, I'll need help from all the west coasters out there because you know it is tough for any coaster to go out there.
Speaker 2:I mean I've got friends that are going out there this year and like it's stressful the amount of money it is and everything, but it's totally worth it. It's an amazing experience. It's. Like you know again, I've followed this race since I was like a kid. It was like the first ultra I even heard about, I think ever, and um, yeah, man, I definitely think it's worth the experience and it's worth the planning and it's worth, like, the sacrifice to do the race yeah, do you?
Speaker 2:uh hit up shenandoah valley oh yeah I mean like so I I'm like great, so this is kind of tough. I mean, I used to go to the trails all the time. Lately I've just been so busy with my kids, like this like I live in a place called richardsville. It's very rural, um endless places to run though, but it's not mountainous or anything like that, so I've just been getting my miles in here, um, because it's it's so convenient, like I just did pop out the door and just run like 16 miles or whatever. So, like I'm just doing that I'm lucky to have the setup I have, but I would love to do some trail stuff, and a lot of the times in the past like, um, you know, I I'm, uh, I'm in a great club here in virginia, the virginia happy trails running club. Uh, you know, they do a lot of free races. You know a lot of like 50ks and higher um yeah.
Speaker 2:so I would just do like races with them and like group runs and go to brutal places like mass and nutton and like you know, like wow, they are all kinds of cool places. You know, places in Shenandoah. I haven't done that lately just because I've been so busy with my kid and all the recent current events, but I want to get back out there more. It's just, yeah, out of convenience I've just been running around and I hope I do get back to the trails more. I miss it all. I miss it a lot. But yeah, in order to get like the mileage I need, I've just been trying to focus on kid rest and dealing with my mind.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:All right. So where can people find you man On Instagram Breezy?
Speaker 2:Trailhead. Just give me a follow and see my insanity on a daily basis. I mean, like, like we discussed earlier, I like posting on there just to show people, like you know, I'm a single dad, I go through shit and somehow I can get in my runs. And you know, like for anyone struggling to get into running or just like in general, I mean you don't even have to be a runner Just you know I like to post that stuff, just so people can see that you know I'm able to do it somehow and I hope I can get information to others especially. You know I try to be like raw and candid on there, just so like people can see that. It's like you know it's a struggle, it's a struggle for fitness, it's a struggle for mental health and you know, you know you're not alone.
Speaker 1:There's like there's a lot of um, you know there's a lot of people struggling out there and I try to just, you know, show them that you know I'm working hard to do the best I can and hopefully I can motivate them to do something too. Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, for sure, for sure. Well, 70 miles a week right now, and you say you're struggling and got barriers totally get that. But dude, 70 miles a week, that's pretty good, that's. That's. That's a, a lot, and to manage that and your home life is pretty awesome so it's tough.
Speaker 2:It's tough like again. Like anywhere I go, I have to see uh, where I used to live with her, with her and um, yeah, there's some days I don't want to see that and you know, I just um, it's so weird, it's like the weirdest situation I've ever been, like. I just sometimes I just like have to put the blinders on. I'm like, do, do, do, do. Do you just think of happy thoughts?
Speaker 1:I'm doing the happy dance, doing happy dance yeah, so maybe be open to not get a runner as a girlfriend next time I mean like again there's nothing there's nothing better in life if you can share a hobby with somebody and it's an awesome thing, but it's just so hard.
Speaker 1:I gotcha and you know there's times when my wife wanted to fight me because I always did destination runs for vacations. You know I'd go on vacation and take a run, you know, and she hated that, so you know I stopped doing that vacation and take a run, you know, and she hated that.
Speaker 2:So, you know, I stopped doing that. So I think, no matter what relationship you're in runner, non-runner, whatever I think that you know you have to have empathy and you have to be able to compromise. And again, man, like you know, I know that this didn't work out for me, but I could have still done a better job. I still think, even if I did a better job, it wouldn't work, just because there was just too much conflict and there is too much, there is too much stuff going on. But, um, you know, if you know, if anything, moving forward, I'm good, I'm I, I I need, I need to learn to be a more empathetic person towards others. With, again, without empathy, I feel like you know, yeah, it's like, who are you? You know, you're like, what are you doing in life? You are, you, are you evil? You know, like you have to, you have to have that, you have to be a better person.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got you All right, john. Is there anything you would like to add?
Speaker 2:Did I forget anything? That was a lot, man. I feel like we just did a therapy session. Thank you.
Speaker 1:No, I a lot, man. I feel like we just did a therapy session, thank you, no, I wasn't man. It was, uh, quite insightful and you know I'm sorry for your loss, dude, seriously, I'm sorry about you know, the thing going sour. It sucks to even know you. You're dealing with the aftermath of, you know, heartache and heartbreak and yeah, that sucks, dude, it's been a while, since I've had that, what's that?
Speaker 2:Well, I hope, if anything, you know, this story helps others that are going through something similar, because it's, I feel like it's not really talked about and the running community is small. It's not really talked about and the running community is small. I mean, like if you, you know, if you share a lot of like your personal stuff, um, with with the significant other, you know, and you show them, you know all your sacred stuff and running, and then it's just gone. It changes the dynamic and then you have to change yourself and that's like it's a lot to deal with and you know, like for anyone else that's had to do that, I mean, yeah, yeah, it's well, they even cut coffee out.
Speaker 2:Dude, that's a lot well, I, I'm, I know runners and coffee. I had this conversation this morning. Like I feel like, yeah, that's and that's, you know I will, I like that. I really, I really do like the whole like that's, like our drug basically is this coffee. But, um, yeah, like dude, I can't even tell you like my sleep has been so poor the last two years. I just, I have to do something about it. Like that's, I'm about to do a physical um next week and I'm just terrified what the doctor's going to tell me, like, I mean like physical um next week and I'm just terrified what the doctor's gonna tell me like I mean like, so I'm trying really hard to get healthy and just cut stuff out and I may revisit. Like I said, I had two cups of coffee today but I haven't had any the rest of the week. But I'm gonna try to really good for you. Until I get my shit together, man, and I sleep back. I'm gonna try to cut out it a lot, you know all right.
Speaker 1:Well, keep me posted, john, keep us posted. You guys can follow him at where breezy trailhead on instagram. Okay, and uh, dude, thank you so much john for sharing your story. Man, you could always come back and, uh, when you do get bad water, I want you back, and then, after bad water, I want you back, if that's okay.
Speaker 2:So hopefully they take me, hopefully, hopefully I'm worthy enough. But I mean again, if you look at me, an ultra sign up and the stuff I've done I'm a crazy dude and they like crazy people, so I think I'm gonna fit in, yeah okay, well, until next time.