Miles & Mountains
Join Nick, a social worker and coach by day, as he unravels the inspiring stories of athletes and the public, uncovering the motivations behind their actions, from conquering mountains to participating in ultra-endurance races and competing in rodeos. Get ready for heartwarming tales of community support, acts of kindness, and the revelation that everyone has a deeper story to tell. Whether it's running, climbing, or participating in rodeos, these stories will inspire and uplift. #Running, #Climbing, #EverydayAthletes, #Rodeo
Miles & Mountains
Celebrating Episode 250 and Raising Awareness with Tiffany Eldefonso
This episode dives deep into the numerous ways that running becomes a platform for connection and healing. Our guest, Tiffany Eldefonso, shares her journey leading up to the 2025 Badger Mountain Challenge.
Through heartfelt conversations, we explore how running can be a transformative journey, one that not only tests our physical endurance but serves as a medium to raise awareness about crucial issues such as Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women (MMIW), addiction and mental health. Listeners will hear the powerful narratives of resilience, describing how the act of running fosters incredible bonds within the community, allowing individuals to lean on one another during their darkest moments.
The episode encourages reflections about the impact of openness in discussing mental health and the cultural stigma surrounding addiction. It aims to lift the veil on tough conversations and show that by sharing our experiences, we can inspire changes both within ourselves and our communities. Tune in for an enlightening discussion that reveals how every mile can tell a profound story, ultimately fostering hope and resilience. Don't forget to subscribe, share, and join the conversation!
Tiffany Eldefonso
Instagram: @thegirlwiththekoifishtattoo
https://www.instagram.com/thegirlwiththekoifishtattoo?igsh=NXl6aDVrdTdqYTJy
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Eastern Washington Nomads
Raising Awareness:
Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women (MMIW)
Mental Health
Alcoholism
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Tiffany Aldeponso. How are you? I'm great thanks. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 2:I'm happy you're here. I'm glad you're here.
Speaker 1:I'm happy to be here.
Speaker 2:You're here. You're a huge supporter. Surprise you're here because a lot of people like I talk to I don't really promote it, but you've been like the number one supporter since I've told you and you listen and you're like, oh, I like that episode. I'm like really I thought it was trash, but you always, you know, uh, turn it into positive and you know, just basically dissect it your way and it's been helpful ever since. So I appreciate you and your support and the love of the game, whether it's rodeo or running, but you're here because of running and the active lifestyle.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm trying to stay with an active lifestyle, really trying to promote that. It's been a tough few years, so to be consistent and really stay in that mental space, it's been difficult. So really trying to get back into it. So really trying to get back into it. Um, we got the badger challenge coming up and once again I'm going to attempt the 100k. I um what dnf the 100k, but I guess I finished the 50 miler, so whatever that means. Um, that was the first race I dnf'd. It was kind of disappointing, but that was a rough one for me. I don't know if I was in the beginning stages of hypothermia towards the last, like ten, six miles, but I was like falling asleep with my eyes open, running the trail and I had my pal behind me back that I've met two years ago at Badger, so she's going to come over and we're going to do the 100K together this year.
Speaker 1:Yes, Well, in the last two years we had just happened to meet up at an aid station and last year we just just happened to meet up at an aid station and last year we just made this really special connection. We found out we were, um, both of our moms had passed away the previous year and, without communicating, um, while we caught up to each other during the race, uh, we found out that we were doing that race for our mothers Okay. So yeah, we made a great connection and have stayed in touch and we're going to do this, we're going to complete it this year.
Speaker 2:And do it together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the 100K.
Speaker 2:And what are you going to do it for this time? Just for yourself, you guys, guys, the team, what?
Speaker 1:have you thought? Of that yet I have 100 okay so what is it?
Speaker 2:why are you guys doing it this year?
Speaker 1:um, her, we haven't talked about it but, um, something that's been close, uh, to my heart, and I have a couple special people in my life who have gone through something, something that you know could have been very devastating, and it turns out the outcome has, you know, been a little bit better than maybe expected. Okay, been a little bit better than maybe expected. So, yeah, I have a really good girlfriend that I've been friends with for over 30 years, and then you Me, yeah, so you both had the same diagnosis.
Speaker 2:The Hodgkin's lymphoma.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:And so I was like you know what, I always try to pick something. I wasn't extremely vocal about it last year, I was a little bit, but it was super personal when it came to my mother that I was running for that and her passing from ultimately passing from cirrhosis. And then the year before that was for the MMIW. So murdering missing indigenous women yeah, okay, so, okay, so, yeah. So this year I was debating whether or not I was going to and I'm like you know what that's going to be my whatever awareness.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you guys are going to do it together. Is that your way of showing? And then she has her own, or are you guys both coming together and raising awareness of the same causes?
Speaker 1:of breast cancer awareness. She's actually climbed Mount Shasta last year for that, raising like thousands of dollars for that, and she had put up a post asking people to join her this year. So you know, if time allows it, I think I'm going to join her with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, for a mountain, mount Shasta. Mount Shasta, and she did it last year.
Speaker 1:Time allows it, I think I'm gonna join her with that, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So for mountain mount shasta mount shasta, and she did it last year. Why is she gonna do it again?
Speaker 1:it's it's quite hectic yeah, the the same breast cancer awareness. Okay all right, so I'm like, oh yeah, if I have time, heck yeah, I'll jump on board.
Speaker 2:You're going to do it today.
Speaker 1:I think that's what she did last year.
Speaker 2:Avalanche Gulch area. Okay, today will be good, just make sure you start. When you go up there, you're the first group to go for, depending on year, because if it's during the dry season, rocks.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Rocks are a problem if summer is the dry season, then yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:well, you got to get it at a perfect spot and misery ridge, as they call it, up top, right before you hit um, uh, the summit, that's, it's heck, that's. That stops a lot of people. But if she did it, more power to you, yeah, and if you can do it, hey, sign me up.
Speaker 1:I'll be. Yeah, I haven't quite decided. I'd have to see you know, figure out the logistics and see where I'm going to be at that point in time. But, yeah, I definitely want to support her in that she's a really super special person.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Super special, yeah. So if you're around during the Badger, I will introduce you.
Speaker 2:She's still debating on it. I'm still debating because I just don't want to fly right now. I don't want to fly, I'm still debating.
Speaker 1:So I might be on there.
Speaker 2:But now that you put that Hodgkin's lymphoma thing in there, I'm like oh gosh. You know I have to do my best to support you.
Speaker 1:Oh gosh, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I've always thought the 100 miler and I'm obviously just not there. I just haven't that one I would need to put an effort into. I've tried it three times in DNF.
Speaker 2:That's another reason why I'm not really focusing on Badger right now. I donate so much money there. I'm tired of donating right now and I just needed a break from Badger even though it's in my backyard.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, it is difficult just going through it one time and then having to go do it again.
Speaker 2:Think about it Doing it again. It's intimidating.
Speaker 1:It's very, very intimidating, but yeah, so I'm sticking to the 50-miler, probably the 50Ks and 50 miler. If I dabble much more into ultra would probably be my distances.
Speaker 2:How much training are you doing right now?
Speaker 1:I just started.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:A little bit up, just getting up those hills, just getting my legs up those hills, because those I don't know why, like downhill, I can go downhill. It is those uphills that just kill. So just going up the front part of Badger, or the beginning part of the Badger, yep, what is it?
Speaker 1:Not the face, but just going the start of Badger, yeah, the start of the course and I tell you what. That is what gets me, and I don't know if it's just because you I'm warming up, but just the beginning of any run. Yeah, badger, especially that just going up just well, the steps are the worst part period the steps.
Speaker 2:The steps are the worst part. I'll. I'll let you know that. That's how I feel, so. But it's also, you know, you start with the group and then it's like, okay, it's not intimidation, it's more like, okay, let's fill it out a bit. But as you're filling it out, you're also filling out the crowd, the competition, and so you're trying to stay afloat but not look weak.
Speaker 1:Oh, 100%. But you know what, At the very beginning, I'm like DFL, I don't even care. I just want to get up this first part. Once I get up there and my muscles warm up. I can start running the back face and start running. But yeah, it is intimidating and it's a little bit of a little check to the ego, especially for me, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm like I know this course. It's a check to the ego for everyone.
Speaker 1:This is my backyard and I'm like trailing towards the end.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But that also goes, you know, like you said, my training or lack thereof.
Speaker 2:I don't say lack thereof, thereof. So I don't say lack thereof. I just get a trip because the more like I've said before, the podcast, the more I interview people, starting from John Kelly you know, I've had Mike McKnight on, I've had some big names on and so the more I've been interviewing just daily runners at. You know, not average runners but daily runners that just go out there and do what they do best. I've noticed, you know, they do minimal work but they conquer it. Me, I have to not go minimal, I don't have to go above and beyond, but I have to get to that right mojo, to the point that you know mentally I can prepare myself to finish something like that or do something that way. But then, you know, deshauna Jo came on and I asked her recently did you listen?
Speaker 1:to that episode. Oh my God loved her Right.
Speaker 2:And I just love that she's.
Speaker 1:You know she's native.
Speaker 1:And I was like oh, my God, like I have no desire, no huge, you know driving desire to do 100 mile. I'm like you know what, maybe once upon a time it was there, but maybe that wasn't, it wasn't my dream, maybe it was somebody else's and I wanted, so I wanted it too. But you know, if I can get there, if I can get to the point where I become more disciplined in my training, you know, maybe I can, but I don't have to be there. But listening to that podcast, she just moves. I'm like if she can do it, you know, yeah, but yeah, that was awesome. And yeah, her story, yeah, just listening to, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, just listening to you know, yeah, and she, she put on the mark, for you know, more than anybody that I've interviewed, just movement is helpful, is key. You know a lot of people like have this regiment their routine. You know, john Kelly, he ran to work, ran back, you know, after work he, he had it all listed out because he's that he's an engineer, you know, and so he, he has to have a routine. And then you know there's other people that will just make a hundred miles of uh on a day, you know, and it's just like gosh, that's a little too much. But then some people would say that's not enough. But lately I've been getting the daily runners the daily movers, as I would like to say and call them that, asking them what their regimen is or what their weekly miles are. It's unbelievable to know that they put in 20 to 30 miles a week and complete 250-mile race with ease, not dead last, not, I mean with ease. It's unbelievable to even know, because we're, we're, we sign up for these things, thinking that we can't do a minimum, we, we have to do above and beyond. But then there's a group of people like yourself that just put everything to shame, believe it or not, and just do it and complete it.
Speaker 2:Me, if I get in my own head because I have a 15-minute mile, I start doubting myself and I'm like in my head, in my head, I try to get it out of my head, but I get so focused on that 15 minute mile. That's something. I forget, something you know, whether it's water or food or you know electrolytes or something. It just ruins my day. So the smallest thing that I find like the pettiest thing, I will have it make me quit. I'll quit lately. I just been quitting lately. I'll finish, you know, the uh, the 12 hour, the 24 hour races, but timed events, I'll just quit, I'll just quit.
Speaker 2:It's like whatever, I don't know why. It's just because it I find it not fun. Fun, I find something out of my routine. It's just weird. But then, when talking to you guys, I'm like how do you do that? How do you just say, okay, I'm gonna finish it the way I want to finish it the way I want it, you know, and it's just it. To me it's weird. But the more I'm interviewing you guys, it's like it's not really weird, it's like I don't know, it feels good, it's a relief, but I can't see it for myself if that makes sense, I am fully aware and understand that I am in no shape or form or discipline at this stage in my life.
Speaker 1:Not saying that it won't happen in the future, but right now I am happy and being better than I was yesterday and that goes with all aspects of my life. You know what I mean. Yeah, like you know what. I don't care who. You know what they're doing over there, what they're doing over there. What you know. What I care about is you know what am I doing? And am I better than I was yesterday? And that you know, and that just you know, spills over into running too Shoot, like when I really started getting back into it, because I used to be a runner in junior high and started in high school and, long story short, you know, just kind of had a little bit of a dysfunctional childhood and my parents couldn't keep it together.
Speaker 1:My mom would come and go and I was just starting high school and I was a good runner in this mid-distance track and cross-country and had all these plans to go places and I don't know exactly what happened. I just know that my mom took off and it was my first day across country. I had always been one of the top girls, if not the top, you know finishing whatever we were doing in practice and I fell behind the girl who always came in behind me. I fell behind and I walked. We were running laps around the track and I walked off the track mid-practice and I was like fuck it.
Speaker 2:That was end of it.
Speaker 1:It was For how long.
Speaker 2:For how long did you quit running from men?
Speaker 1:I would run off and on just to like try to stay in shape. You know, after I had my kids no real commitment in shape. You know, after I had my kids, um, no, no real commitment. Just you know and nothing out of, mostly out of, I don't know, vanity or just wanting to lose weight yeah um, but we started back um again maybe in 2017 or 18, started doing races and yeah, it felt good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was doing good, but yeah, that I will tell you, that has. I mean, if there's ever been a regret in my life, it was high school. Like there's so much truth in you know, like when's the first thing you quit, once you quit.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You're going to be quit a rusty line.
Speaker 2:I gotcha, I gotcha.
Speaker 1:So that was yeah, that's very telling, that's very telling.
Speaker 2:Let's go back to junior high high school. Why did you start running back then? Why did you start? Is it to get away from the house?
Speaker 1:No, I loved it. You know I talk about running now and people go oh, you must love running. Oh, you must love it.
Speaker 1:Dude. No, you've got to like, I've got to mentally prepare myself, sometimes like you're going to do this, but back then I loved it. It started one time when my mom was off on one of her little adventures, I guess, and it was just my dad and my two younger brothers. So a lot of times he didn't have babysitters for us. But another thing was he always stayed active, whether it's playing racquetball, going to the you know local little gym in grand coulee, um. But one of the main things is he would pack us in the car, take us down to this little road down by the river and we'd go running. He'd take us running and we just followed behind, follow behind him. You know back then, no earbuds, nothing.
Speaker 1:It was just you Well, didn't have earbuds back then and the pavement and I just remember seeing my dad running ahead of me and I just was like one day, one day.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I don't remember how old I was. I want to say I was probably in sixth grade, Probably even younger than that. We're running and towards the end of the course or the road that we would run on, there was this slight, you know, uphill grade, not anything terrible just a slight one and I remember the day I passed him up and he was like wow, he's like good job, daughter. So that's where it came from, just going running with my dad.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I loved it, and so it was love at first sight. Yeah, I did, I loved it. I would ask him.
Speaker 2:when are we going to go run in town? That's cool, and he brought you in, correct?
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah me and my little brothers. Yeah, they would trail behind, but we'd all do it.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm glad it was received well because I remember when my dad finally realized he's done Boston a few times, done JFK Marathon back in the day, you know, before it was big.
Speaker 1:Super cool.
Speaker 2:Yeah, ultra marathons weren't a thing, but he did it and everything else. But then when I did cross country in high school and excelled in it and started doing races against him and passed him up, I never heard the end of it and we never ran together ever again. Oh no, once he found out that I beat him in Army 10-miler, I guess the last 10 minutes. We were just going at it and he knew that he was going to get beat.
Speaker 1:I heard it.
Speaker 2:I heard it and was not accepting.
Speaker 1:No, yeah that was not accepted.
Speaker 2:No, yeah, that was not the end of my running career, but our career. Because I remember growing up and you know when he's training for all these races like the Honolulu Marathon.
Speaker 1:That's my favorite the Portland.
Speaker 2:Marathon back when it was, you know, not in shambles and whatnot. I'd always ride a bike and he would travel to these races. I would do the five mile, he would do the 10K or the 10 mile or you know the big races, and I'd, you know, be the youngest one on the course and you know doing what I do best. But yeah, once I beat him in the Army 10 miler in my high school years. It just went south.
Speaker 1:Oh, super competitive huh.
Speaker 2:I guess. So I don't know. I just thought it was something that we both enjoyed and we can come together on.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:That race. I will never forget it. We were coming past after the Capitol building. It was almost towards the end. We were Pentagon and then Capitol building. We were going head to head. I passed him, didn't look back, beat him. That ride home afterwards was not the best.
Speaker 2:Oh man, you had a ride with him too, yeah yeah, so that was good that you know your dad took you under his wing and you guys continued. So when 2017 came this is after your long break, you know, from quitting, as you said, 2017, what started it all back up again.
Speaker 1:Well, it never completely left. I would take up running here and there, you know, a couple miles, maybe upwards, around five or six, just to kind of stay in shape, but to do it consistently. I don't remember exactly what the date was 2017 or 2018. My spouse at the time was like, hey, you know, we can, this is something that maybe we can take up and do together and we can make like weekend getaways out of it. And I was like heck, yeah, right out of it. And I was like heck, yeah, Right, yeah, 100%, that would be awesome. So I think that kind of was maybe the catalyst to try more distance.
Speaker 1:Okay, but it had mostly been half marathons and full marathons just up in there. And so just, I think up until two years ago, oh, when I turned 50. That was the big thing for me. That year was 50, whether it was a 50 miler or a 50K, honolulu had their 50th anniversary for the Honolulu Marathon that year. So I was like, and I just turned 50 then. So, yeah, 50. I did the uh, what's that? Bellingham, the big one.
Speaker 2:And checking up. Okay, yeah, yeah, you liked that one.
Speaker 1:No, I didn't, I was a hot mess but I loved it. You know what I loved about it? I was, but I loved it. You know what I loved about it? I was sure I was like one of the last couple, like behind everybody, and I'm going up this hill and it was still snowy, yeah, so I'm just like it is what it is. Yeah, I'm just kind of not worried about like walking. If I had to walk even though everybody else was just like flying by yeah, yeah, flying down.
Speaker 1:So I see this woman like running down, just flying down, and I'm like oh, right on. And I was just like oh, leopard tattoos. And I'm like oh God, I'm like good job, right on.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then I was like oh my God, was that Devin.
Speaker 2:Devin Yank, job right on, yeah. And then I was like, oh my god, was that devon, devon yanko? I was like, oh, like yellow runner, right huh, who's, who's that the yellow runner correct?
Speaker 1:um, she's from, like, I think, the bellingham area, and she's living down in colorado now yeah, what's her name that everybody calls her devon um I would. You're right, there is something I can't.
Speaker 2:It's not the yellow runner, is it?
Speaker 1:I think it's the yellow runner. It might be Okay, no, but dude, um. When I first started to get back into running, I would watch YouTube and um, like women distance runners or women who run ultras and I came across her and her story, just freaking, resonated. I don't know if you've been able to like look her up or listen to her story.
Speaker 2:I looked her up. I haven't listened to her story, though.
Speaker 1:But I was like oh my God, yeah, she's my hero, she's incredible, yeah, she's my hero, yeah. She's incredible.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Do you consider yourself a hero to some? I don't consider myself a hero. I would like to be, and the people I would like to be is to my kids. Yeah, you know, like when you said that you get in your head, or and I said, you know, my biggest reason for running is, you know, to prove to myself like I'm competing against myself. And you know, as far as impressing anybody, I don't hang out with the runner crowd, that's correct.
Speaker 2:I'm not like huge into it.
Speaker 1:I'm an introvert really. I think when people get to know me and they can get me talking, they're surprised by it. But I'm an introvert, let's say not.
Speaker 2:Let's say I mean you have a lot of encouraging words, you're an encouraging person, you're very positive, especially towards people who share the same interests. I'm going to say hero, let's say people who look up to you Besides family members.
Speaker 1:I don't know anyone. What about your friend, your?
Speaker 2:friend is coming here. You don't think she looks up to you.
Speaker 1:Beck yeah.
Speaker 2:Shout out to beck. Yeah, I was gonna ask you becca yeah, she's awesome.
Speaker 1:Um, I like I said, I, if I am, you know what bonus that's, you know bonus, I, I would like to be in, I would like to be an inspiration, but that's not necessarily my goal. I am, you know.
Speaker 2:I know that, but I mean, you got to look back to you know that work. That's how I know you as well. You know from work.
Speaker 1:I know I love it and those kids.
Speaker 2:Those kids look up to you as well.
Speaker 1:I don't know. They probably think I'm a crazy mean lunch lady.
Speaker 2:You're right, that's funny. That's funny. No, no, I mean it. It's funny how you look at it because you know I'm there and I, I make sure you know safety is first for everyone and I interact, make sure people know that they can trust us adults at school, whatnot you know, just positive influence and and I'm sitting there and I normally you, you know, talk to you or Miss Steph, shout out to her. You know People, the kids, look up to you guys and definitely see you as an influence. Whether you want to believe it or not, I see it, I feel it, I hear it, and it's weird how my stuff doesn't accept it until I have to say tell her and then, for you, I believe you would accept it.
Speaker 2:If I told you that these kids do look up to you, if, if, if that is true, I'm going to start crying because I it's so funny I've never considered myself.
Speaker 1:I've always wanted to be a mom and I am so blessed. I have four outstanding children, but I've never been one to like enjoy other people's kids Does that make sense.
Speaker 2:I got you, I got you.
Speaker 1:Like I love my kids, but then you know you get around other kids. You're like oh yeah, don't your parents teach you any manners or anything? Yeah so, and never in my wildest dreams did I ever aspire to be a lunch lady. I'll tell you what I'm like oh, I want to grow up to be a lunch lady. But you know I'm like oh, I want to grow up to be a lunch lady.
Speaker 1:You've been doing it for how long? Four years now. I know I'm surprised, but life threw a curve and I'm like, oh, I guess I'll try to do this. Anyways, I did and I'm so thankful because during that period of my life the district director of the nutrition services. I had been working at an elementary a couple hours a day and it was just to. I just needed something. So, um, she pulled me aside and she goes. I want you to apply for the management position at Richland High and I'm like I'm like looking around.
Speaker 1:I'm like me like. I saw something and um, you know. And to other people you know they're like oh, you're a lunch lady or you know they might not think too much of it, but the girls I work with, terry and Steph, have been there, jesse, almost since day one. Yeah, I have so much fun.
Speaker 2:It looks like it.
Speaker 1:Oh God, it looks like it. Oh God, we need to find a writer to come in and work with us, because there's something there. There is a show, a sitcom, a movie about lunch, ladies.
Speaker 2:Like the Office, you would die. Yeah, yeah, oh, no, yeah.
Speaker 1:It would be incredible. So you know, I never thought much of that position and I am so grateful for it because on the days where I did not want to get out of bed, it got me out of bed and I did it. And then I started working with these kids and I was like, ew, are they people's teenagers? And god darn it, I love them. There have been a couple kids, it's rewarding.
Speaker 1:And sometimes just with this generation. They don't know how to communicate. They have a hard time communicating or making eye contact, so I would make breakfast in the morning.
Speaker 1:I'm getting up at 4, 4.30 in the morning to come cook these kids breakfast. And I'm like, good morning, have a nice day. And they're not even looking at me and I'm like, and I'm like you, rotten kids. And I'm like you know what, I'm going to keep doing it every single day. And then there was one kid doing it every single day. And then there was one kid I haven't seen him lately, but he, yeah, would not and it was like a little bit embarrassing. I would be like he would be the only one going through the line and I would be like good morning. And he would continue to stare hard down and grab his. I'm like, have a good day, flat out ignore me. And I'm like, oh, I'm like, oh, rotten kid. But I'm like you know what?
Speaker 2:I don't care, I'm gonna keep doing it, you know what they come around one day yeah, it took probably three quarters of the year.
Speaker 1:And then one day I said good morning and he started to get his food and then I'm like have a good day. And then he stopped and he looked at me. He goes thank you, have a good day.
Speaker 2:From then on, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I'm like oh my goodness, that's all it takes.
Speaker 1:That's all it takes, yeah.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I totally agree, it's so rewarding. You also have to know that being quarantined this is the time that these kids were elementary slash middle school in quarantine and they were left out on a lot of things socially yeah, so socially awkward or not knowing how to approach their parents at you know, and, yeah, once, once you start, you know making headway and they, they see a friendly face and then they see that you know it's not fake, it's real. And the consistency between you know, your guys' relationship, friendship or you know, whatever you guys have, they see it and it builds from there and you can see so much from it. That's what gets me, that's what gets me going in every day in and out of. Yeah, there's, it's very uplifting to know the smallest things get to these kids and you make headway.
Speaker 1:You know exactly, and you don't ever know, I mean, just like in anybody's life what they're going through, what's going on, and sometimes I feel it just comes so naturally now, because that's just what my routine, you know, like good morning, you know, just putting an extra effort into acknowledging them, letting them know that they're being, they're seen. Yeah, you know what I mean. Oh yeah, and I don't know it can make a difference. I think that's huge, letting people know that they are seen.
Speaker 2:Well, I'll let you know. You'll see more if you continue to make pulled pork sandwiches. It's a big seller there. I like the baked potatoes. Those kids are like what is that? Because when I stand there they're always like what you? Because you know, when I stand there they're always like what's up there? What's up there? Oh, pork there. Oh, that's their first, uh, first reaction. Oh, and they're right there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I wish I wish I could you know when the first year I started I didn't really know and I was just making whatever I wanted like my own recipes and stuff and the kids were like they loved it and they were like, oh, and then the second year my boss pulled me aside and I've been told to rein you in. You need to start following the, which is 100, I do you know, with all the allergies and stuff going on. Yeah, um, but yeah, the kids liked it better when I did my own thing.
Speaker 2:So that leads me to bring on something else You've been wanting and you've talked about it to me since I first met you a food truck. I know why is that on the back burner? Why have you been thinking about it? I know it's time consuming it. I know it's time consuming. I know I've, you know, encouraged someone who's very successful out in Kennewick. You know, going from a food truck to mortar now brick and mortar, you know, and just slaying the game. So what's keeping you from doing that?
Speaker 1:Okay, so remember when I told you I lack discipline. Okay, so remember when I told you I lack discipline.
Speaker 2:I love the honesty. I love the honesty.
Speaker 1:And I can, Like I said, I know myself and I know me as a person and I love people. I think and also, I won't go into like a lot of detail, but I am a Christian and I think my calling has been to you know, be of service and to love people, people, and with that being said, I am not perfect.
Speaker 2:I'm a human being and I sometimes make horrible decisions.
Speaker 1:So I you know that has been a huge part. What I really need to do is to sit down and write a business plan. I think, like most people, when you are presented with a task that seems overwhelming, it can keep you from, you know, completing it.
Speaker 2:It's something you're good at, it's great. I mean, you brought homemade lumpias. You've made homemade lumpias for us in the past, and when I say us, it seems like ray and I are treated like kings when you make these foods, because it's either the lumpias or something that you just uh, what's that? One thing that you made enchiladasiladas. Enchiladas. But there was something else the cheesecake is out of this world Indian tacos.
Speaker 1:Did you have the Indian tacos? I made Indian tacos a few times.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm not sure, but all I know is the cheesecake, the enchiladas, the food that you make, the lumpias. Uh, you know, Ray and I are first ones there. First guys there're not out out of the group the only you guys are spoiled the only. I haven't had a cheesecake in a while, but I know I know I've been thinking about it I was thinking. I was like I wonder if she's gonna make a cheesecake but not. Lumpia's are good.
Speaker 1:Lumpias are good. The thing with a cheesecake it takes a good few hours to make.
Speaker 2:But it's so delicious, yeah, and the fresh fruit that you put on it. I mean you put a lot on there, the fruit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I do, and that's still I'm not going to say in the back of my mind it's, it's floating around mid mid mine, um, about making some some type of headway. Um, hopefully I get my, my food truck or something going Cause. Um, if there's anything to be I know I'm good at, yeah Is cooking, and you know what bigger waste is there if you don't use your talent.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:All right, well, some kind of fruition somewhere.
Speaker 2:All right, so Badger, right, you have, badger. Any other races coming up this year, or is you just going one by one and you're going to hit Honolulu?
Speaker 1:again the Hapalua, which is Oahu's big half marathon, and it's usually during spring break, but the last couple years it's been after our spring break, so I can't even hit it with a long weekend. You know what I mean? Well, no, actually I could, but after coming off of spring break that's going to really be frowned upon. So I've missed Hapalua. I have been doing the Jack and Jill Snoqualmie to North Bend consistently All downhill, all downhill, I suppose, dude, I don't know what is up with that race, you would think I'm like, okay, maybe this year I can get a Boston qualifier.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That race is my nemesis.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's embarrassing.
Speaker 2:How is it your nemesis when it's all downhill?
Speaker 1:Because I always have to poop going through the tunnel and it screws me and I end up DFL. I'm kidding, I'm I'm gorilla walking it out of the tunnel and I'm like oh, it's the elevation, stop and shiver. And they're like are you okay? And I'm like I just I'm gonna poop my pants.
Speaker 1:Um, it is so bad, like last year, I was like totally dead fucking last. And this old man, like one of the guys who you know takes care of the last little bit of runners, and he's like, are you doing okay? And I'm like, yep, I just got to go to the bathroom. And he's like, oh, is this your first race? I'm like, nope, no, it is not, that's so funny.
Speaker 1:I love the honesty no, it's so funny, I love the honesty. So, um, yeah, dude, it is. Yeah, the girls at work, they, they die. They're like, uh, and I'm like, yeah, no wonder I can't find a boyfriend, but anyways. So, um, that race kills me. If I can get through the first five or six miles without the bathroom issues, I think I could do really good because I finish it strong. But the first five or six miles, not any other race.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have that problem.
Speaker 1:That one just really.
Speaker 2:What's the elevation when you start? Do you know?
Speaker 1:Oh, I don't even remember. That can be a factor as well.
Speaker 2:You think so, yeah that. And you know, if it's known for being all downhill, it can be, and plus it's gravel right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's gravel or like kind of dirt road. Yep, yep, and I love the downhill.
Speaker 2:But that can be a huge factor. And I love the downhill, but that can be a huge factor. The elevation you know, along with the diet coming up to race day. I mean, hopefully you don't drink coffee before a race, 100%, that's another thing. Yeah, you probably have to dial it in diet-wise and go for that, play it by that, but always have to use the bathroom before you leave the hotel or wherever you stay, I okay sometimes.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I do, I don't know race day nerves too, yeah, I don't know if it's that race day. Yeah, I'm like, come on, come on, let's, yeah, yeah change I would.
Speaker 2:I would say change your diet a bit, the like two weeks coming up, or at least a week, uh, going up to the race just to see how it goes. Because I know certain foods will do the same thing for me, and so I found that out years ago that certain foods I don't eat because of that and I just stay away from them and just stick with a dry diet up until race day.
Speaker 1:Leading up to a race.
Speaker 2:Dry is always good for me.
Speaker 1:I don't know. It's like it gets stage fright. It's like, oh yeah, it's showtime and they're like, nope, I'm not coming out.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I don't know it is what it is, but I keep doing it. You know, after the first couple of times it's just like I don't care. I poo my pants, I don't even care anymore. Gosh, it is what my pants? I don't even care anymore.
Speaker 2:Gosh, it is what it is. I mean it happens. Like you know, they say shit happens and it does In a race, it happens to the best of us. You're funny. Seriously, I don't even care, I'm like I have no shame. Obviously you don't care, because you just you said I feel like I need no shame. Obviously you don't care, because you just you said I feel like I need to shit my pants.
Speaker 1:I'm like yeah, and the best way to describe it is like you know that gorilla walk.
Speaker 2:It's like shiver, shiver sometimes you walk like a penguin too yes, well, I don't even know. Yeah when is that normally?
Speaker 1:um, that is in july, that one and um, I I like doing the bno half, that's the, I believe, enum claude uh summoner half marathon.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you did that last year right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've done that a few times. I really like that one Don't have anything really lined up. I want to get some hikes in there. The last couple years I went on a couple and then that long one to Jade Lake, which was, I think, around a 23-mile round trip.
Speaker 2:Okay so, when picking up your schedule, do you just go through a list and be like, oh, this fits my schedule, let's just do this, or do you? I mean, you take it, you see it, you take it and you stick with it throughout the years, or what?
Speaker 1:I think there's certain ones that I'm familiar with and I know how I do, so that's why I'm like. Why do I keep going back to Jack and Jill? Probably you know, like you and Badger, it's like I'm like and then I downhill, and I do great downhill Like it's my thing, but that check and jail race I get my worst times too.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I do tend to stick to the ones that I've already done. Definitely would like to try some other ones. I'm trying to think. There is, I think, like some type of goat. Does that make sense? Goat Ultra over in like the Port Angeles area?
Speaker 2:I'm not sure they have some different distances.
Speaker 1:I don't hang out on the west side. They have some different distances.
Speaker 2:I don't hang out on the west side. If I do, it's mostly Gretchen Wallace runs or races over in Bellingham area or the tree line over. I try to stay away from the west side just because of traffic and annoyance. There's a huge difference between Seattle runners and eastern Washington or Spokane runners or Idaho runners.
Speaker 1:Really, oregon runners? Oregon runners, yes. What's the difference?
Speaker 2:Just attitude, wise attitude, and I've said that since day one. There's a huge difference between Washington climbers, mountain climbers, to Oregon. You know, depending on what part of Oregon you go to, it's, it's, it's quite um, um, yeah, it's a quite a huge difference. And, uh, from, like eastern sierras to, you know, other california mountains, there's a difference. It's just, it's more welcoming down there than it is up here. Oh, really, yeah, but certain people, if you see them and this is my opinion when you see them more than one race they get to know you, you get to know them, the camaraderie's there. But if the camaraderie's not there or if they're not really familiar with it or they're not a familiar face, you're considered an outsider.
Speaker 2:I get that, just like the nomads. When the nomads go Eastern Washington, nomads go to the West Side, we stick out like a sore thumb and it's just different. So when it comes to the West Side side, I normally stick with the directors I know and and and like, and. Gretchen wall is by far one of the best uh race directors that are in the state of washington and I'll stick with her. This year I'm not gonna do it just because I'm just focusing more on mountains and myself and whatnot.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I've said it, there's a huge difference, attitude wise, and um, seattle lights, not afraid to say it, ruined, um the glory for me in a lot of things. Yeah, yeah, I mean it shouldn't be like that. I know I shouldn shouldn't feel that way or let anybody get to me like that, but there's a huge difference. You go to Leavenworth. You know the difference between and that's a fine example you know the difference between west side to east side. You do, you do, and I'm a people watcher. You know I watch and I'm a people watcher. You know I. Yeah, people watch and I, yeah, I get turned off and I just stay in my zone and stay in my lane.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think, and I get what you're saying, and I think that's why I'm comfortable, like, running with myself. I don't need the, you know, maybe a camaraderie would be nice. I I don't have it and I don't, you know, necessarily have a group or friend or anyone to run with here, and and I'm fine with that, because I I get my own like, my own thoughts, um, and I've found, when I do go out running, when I am training, um, for me it's not so much a of a social sport and that's one thing that I do love, like when I did pick up with Beck, like we can have those moments where we, we shared our stories or we shared what was on our hearts at that time, our stories, or we shared what was on our hearts at that time and um, but we can sit there and let some distance come between us and, you know, meet back up.
Speaker 2:So yeah, even a lot of the Facebook pages or the groups. You know the climbing groups PNW peak baggers I'm I'm just putting names out there. You know peak baggers one-on-one or groups, pnw Peak Baggers I'm just putting names out there. You know Peak Baggers 101 or something like that. I've been a part of those. I've been a part of those conversations. I've been part of the incident on Mount Hood. I've talked about that on the podcast earlier in years.
Speaker 2:You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't, if you. You know that mass exodus on Mount hood because avalanche issue, you know the, the social media, just, you know Portlanders and Seattle lights all came um and basically just crapped all over the group that did the mass exodus all the way up in mount hood, you know, and they were like, oh, this, whatever thought you can have on, uh, degrading people, that's what they were doing. But it wasn't just one or two people, it was hundreds of people that did a mass exodus. We were all on a congo line right ready to go do uh, mount hood avalanche, uh, they did the avalanche square. It was unsteady. Come to find out people and they're, you know uh, keyboard warriors, couch potato. You know warriors saying, oh, it was approachable. You could have finished it, you could have done it.
Speaker 2:I did it that day. You know, you just get that and yeah, it's just not friendly and it's a turnoff. Should I let it or should I let it get to me? No, but the arrogance and the community is why I stick to myself too. You, you know, oh yeah, whether it's climbing mountains, traveling, yeah.
Speaker 2:I just I do it for me and nobody else. But I'm also down If you're a friendly person. I'm always down for a great conversation. Yeah, if you. If I say hi and you don't say hi back, or you know just if you don't even say hi, I'm not going to give you the time of day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Well, I mean, I think I don't know what is your take, my take, my experience is having grown up in the environment that I grew up you know, dysfunction and walking on eggshells and learning at a very young age. You become extremely hyper empathetic and sensitive to your like, surroundings and the people around you, so it's very easy to read a room. Yeah, because you, because of that experience, you I mean, you know, walking into the house.
Speaker 2:I lived there. I don't want to. I don't want to experience that.
Speaker 1:And so it's easy for me to be in a group of people and, I don't know, feel the energy. I'm not trying to be all like, you know no no, I got you, I got you.
Speaker 2:Like a I went through it, lived through it. I'm a grown man. I don't want to experience it now. You know, as a 43-year-old.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly so you know, you can, you have the experience, especially in your profession. You can tell if someone's being genuine or authentic, or you know, or if it's just like some type of toxic positivity. I prefer it is toxicity positive, toxicity positive, or if it's just like some type of toxic positivity.
Speaker 2:It is toxicity positive, toxicity positive. I don't think toxic is positive.
Speaker 1:But do you see what I'm saying? I crave genuine and authentic companionship. It's really difficult for me to sit there and jump in and make small talk.
Speaker 2:Okay, does it, I can make small talk that's how I can fill the room, read the room. That's that's my way. But if you're not willing do that, then I'm not willing to give you my time too. And that's how I am when I'm at these races, and I just stick to myself because you know, anybody, like I said, us Eastern Washington guys people are. They stick out like a sore thumb compared to the people that are already in their group on the west side. Yeah, and they come over here. They're different too. Yeah, it shouldn't be that way, but it's looked as and felt that way and it's like everybody's walking on eggshells and it shouldn't be so.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I'm just wearing awareness, putting awareness out there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, speaking of awareness, not trying to get political, don't ever want to get political right, but you mentioned something and that I think we should dive into, if that's okay. Uh-huh, you, you were saying the, you you raised awareness on indigenous uh, native american women missing, murdered, correct, right? Yeah, was it?
Speaker 1:um murder, missing indigenous women or, you know, could also be mmiap murdered, missing in um. There is a huge amount of missing indigenous men as well that turn up. You know, just turn up missing, and it's not just a north or, excuse me, united States thing, it's also huge in Canada or First Nations right why is it not on billboards as much as it should be?
Speaker 2:because it is an issue. Why, why, why don't you hear about it like I? I barely hear about it when doing this, and then when I hear somebody like yourself mention it earlier in the pot in this episode, it's like you, you know, you just say it and then we go to another subject, which I, you know. We can always do that. But why is it like that in the real world? Why? Why is it not in the forefront? And, uh, people have talk about it more. Why is that?
Speaker 1:they're, they're just forgotten people Like if you don't know about them, you don't hear about them, then it's not important. A lot of these people come from just a long history of generational trauma. You can imagine and you know a lot of people are like get over it. Get over it. If you understand psychology, understand generational trauma, that's like it's in your genes and they are we. I'm not only a descendant of the Colville tribe here in Washington State.
Speaker 2:Oh you're from Colville Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, registered First Nation. My band is the Cat's Aid Band in Canada.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:But they're just a forgotten people. They are not important and it's sad. Yeah, they're just a forgotten people. They are not important and it's sad. Yeah, because if you I personally, off the top of my head, I don't have the statistics, but if you were to go to look them up, you would be floored. Yeah, yeah, like.
Speaker 2:It is a problem, it's an epidemic. I don't care what people say, but why is it just on the back burner? Why is it? You know one or two people in our lifetime that will mention that and then leave it and not focus on it.
Speaker 1:You're focused on it? Well, because it does hit close to home for me. I I'm like I said, you know I am, I have a native background, um, and I haven't always grown up like on a reservation. Um, part of my life I was, and you know I've been in like the powwow scene, um, um, and I did have a cousin who was murdered. They know what happened, but, and I think they're just the forgotten people, they're unimportant to everybody and it's difficult because you see what happened to the young lady Gabby.
Speaker 2:Petito, petito, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:How much media coverage she got.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And you know, as she should have, but so should these missing, you know, indigenous people, not just women, but men and children. Yeah, you know, and I don't have an answer for that, other than I just think to mainstream culture they're not important. You know, out of sight, out of mind, that's unfortunate, absolutely yeah, that's unfortunate. Mm-hmm. Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that Gabby story, well, I think it's overplayed out. But yeah, I think I didn't like how it was portrayed on the Netflix using AI and everything else. I think it's a fraud. But yeah, that's just my take. But I feel you know Wind River. You seen that movie, wind River?
Speaker 1:Is it with what's his name?
Speaker 2:Yeah, what's his? He did Marvel movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, renner, jeremy Renner.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I absolutely did see that it's like that. Renner, jeremy Renner, yeah, I absolutely did see that.
Speaker 2:It's like that. Right, once in a Blue Moon, somebody brings awareness to a damn good movie, great movie. Right Brought a lot of awareness. People are like, oh my gosh, you know for that minute and then you hear nothing about it.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, it's been surprisingly. It's been brought into, woven into some storylines, but again, you're right, you know it's brought up for a minute and then it disappears. It was also. There was a little storyline of it in the Dexter series. Okay, I didn and the Dexter series Okay.
Speaker 2:I didn't watch Dexter. The way he acts was just like a turn off. Isn't he like British too?
Speaker 1:I don't know if he's.
Speaker 2:British. I've only seen him.
Speaker 1:I think like mostly in Dexter, but I've Mannerism is off, so I get turned off.
Speaker 2:I just don't want to watch it, and I haven't watched Dexter. But I've mannerisms like is off, so I just I get turned off. I just don't want to watch it, and I haven't watched Dexter at all.
Speaker 1:Um, but so there was a little bit in there. No, you're fine, A little red, You're fine. And I, I, I don't have an answer, you know I I can't read other people's minds, but you know, if I were to, like I said, they're just not important and, um, forgotten. That's sad. It's sad Whether you're, you know, red, yellow, black or white.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So, but there are websites out there right that bring awareness to it there. There are websites out there right that bring awareness to it. There there are instagram pages, correct?
Speaker 1:absolutely. I I wouldn't be able to tell you like off the top of my head, I know if you hashtag mmiw, mmi p, it'll bring you know just a slew of different either resources or profiles. Okay, right.
Speaker 2:All right. Well, the reason why I bring that up is because awareness to it and then they live it. You brought awareness to it and I just feel like I'm going to pay it forward and continue to bring awareness to it myself. That's why I'm mentioning it, not beat a dead horse or try to bring a political subject try to try, try to uh, you know bring a political subject and it shouldn't even be political it's not a political, it's a people yeah, yeah, but you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:it's just don't want to do that, but I I think I'll make a point, since you're bringing awareness to hodgkin's lymphoma, I I will do make sure I bring awareness to this every episode from here on out, that.
Speaker 1:Absolutely that hashtag.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'll make sure that just because it is a problem. I do see it. You just don't hear anything about it, unless you are in that system.
Speaker 1:Or the community.
Speaker 2:The community yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I definitely don't do as much as I should. Um, I think that just the like I've, you know I said, and then you know me personally, just the last few years I've really kind of been into my own shit.
Speaker 1:And I think one of the greatest ways to pull yourself out of that is to be of service to somebody else, so really been giving that a lot of thought. I have a phenomenal therapist, so you know, shout out to Dr Ted, he's been freaking amazing. I was fortunate enough, lucky, fortunate to find him last spring Because, yeah, I was in like a super, super dark place and I actually called the district and reached out to this earth. I got you nothing. Yeah, that's what it's there for, though. No, but it yeah nothing. How many times?
Speaker 2:uh, did it take to get this one person though um how many visits well, out there yeah before you met this one whatever.
Speaker 1:What happened was I reached out to whatever you, whatever support system we had through the district, and they just, I don't know, lack of interest or follow through, which to me is sad, because if somebody is getting to the point where they're reaching out to you, they're probably near in the end of their rope. So what happened was there was a list of, like other therapists and counselors and I was just going down the line going.
Speaker 1:I'm like somebody and he reached out to me and um, and at first he was like I don't accept your insurance. It will have to be full pay. I don't care, I will do full pay.
Speaker 2:I'm not trying to cut you off. Before you said that I was going to say it has to do with the provider and the money. It's always money and that's the number one reason why I didn't want to be in the community. I wanted to just be at a place like where I'm at now to provide um, because the more you get involved in the community, especially in this field that I'm in, that you're searching for it's ugly and it's all about money and insurance.
Speaker 2:It's not you know, it's not, you know money and it should be. It should be not money. It's mostly money and for the good, but a lot of people are not in it for the good, they're in it just to make that, that buck. Anything outside of it they don't care about. And the more you're in this field, you realize that and it's just, it's, it's crushing. And so, yeah, before you mentioned the money, the pay and everything else that I was going to say it's, it's, it has to do the money. It's not, you know, the district or anything else, it's, it's the providers that's at fault.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it was so funny, and he was booked out, yeah, and I'm like I don't, I'll take it. I need anything, I'll take it. And then he happened to like call me back, he goes, I have an opening next Monday and I'm like I'll take it. And it just so happened he was working into being able to I don't know the exact lingo accept my insurance and it happened like the following session. So everything just really like worked out with that. But yeah, I don't know why I started talking about that.
Speaker 2:I just you know, looking for help.
Speaker 1:Yeah and just yeah.
Speaker 2:If it comes up, just cut me off, alright. Another thing, another thing I like the fact that you know we work together and lately we've been the supporter, like sometimes I really feel like these episodes they're not up to par, up to snuff. You know I just like okay, but you've been on it, you've been like I really like this and I I'll ask you why and then you tell me and you you share. You know you're vulnerable with me, you you're honest and so recently you you mentioned something about how you, you know we have something in common. You know your mom, my dad when growing up. Why don't they ever inform us how bad alcoholism could get? Is that a subject that we can touch on?
Speaker 1:oh, 100, 100, because that was that's was gonna be like in one of my races. That was one that I wanted to bring awareness.
Speaker 2:You know, addiction on any level, yeah, but what affected us was the alcoholism yeah, why don't we get to the nitty-gritty you know, like, let's say, health class when we're in high school, junior high, elementary? You know we always had sex ed, right, and it was the darndest thing. I don't know, did you have sex ed when you were and they showed like pictures of like warts somewhere? You don't want them. You know it was just like a scare tactic. But why don't they do the scare tactic with alcohol? With alcohol? Why don't they do that, as we're in the teacup studio with all paraphernalia and everything else that didn't even cross my mind.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I just, you know, when I'm in thought, I just have a tendency to. When I'm in thought, I just have a tendency to, I do not know why, maybe because it ties in with mental health, and that is just not just doesn't seem to be important. Because it really does seem to be important, because it really does alcoholism really does, because eventually, what that you know is is a form of escape and numbing due to someone's like breakdown or you know of their mental or emotional state. So, but I don't know how, to what do you think?
Speaker 2:Well, I think if they really put it down to what we experienced you know, I don't know how far, but you, you know, being honest, saying you know, I did not know this we have more in common. It gets me to believe that we do have similar stories on it. But I feel if there's more people stating the truth later down the road, how it can be and how it could be, and how you end up you know, and how family members can, what they go through during it, I think it would stop a lot of people dead in their tracks. Actually, I really do. I feel, if they're really really wanting to put the kibosh on alcoholism, because I don't know what you saw, but I didn't see my dad at that moment, when he was in his deathbed I saw a guy that was in and out of wittiness, wet brain and to the point that his body was not shaped like it was when he ran Boston Marathon.
Speaker 1:That's what floors me is when you talk about him like you used to do races together. And then when I found out how he passed away, I was like how do you, how do you get there? Right From a young age, my mom, she would binge drink, so she wasn't every day, okay, but when she did, she did it good and it was ugly. It was just belligerent extreme, just slurring, and just not. She wasn't herself. Well, yeah, and yeah, there were times like we had strangers.
Speaker 2:And you know, I don't want to speak poorly of my mom because I've come to terms and I come to a place where um and this wasn't to speak poorly, no, absolutely, but like I'm trying to just said that, like, if we're gonna be, like brutally honest it was.
Speaker 1:it was ugly and it was heartbreaking Having strangers in our home when my father was away. I won't go into detail about that, but you know that's heartbreaking Just being spoke to, and you know her not being able to differentiate me and my sisters when I was several years younger than them.
Speaker 1:Gotcha Seeing our windshield in our car like shattered because she drove into a ditch one night. That was younger years, so she went through a time where she did uh become sober, yeah, when we were older and I think when it got really bad again. Um, she had met my stepfather and he got lymphoma and uh was super aggressive. Um, and he, yeah, he passed, yeah, he passed away. After he passed away, her heart was broken and she dove full in. We're talking from morning to night. I was unaware because I— they isolate themselves.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, so much so To the point that they make it believe in their mind that we're the bad people because we don't understand absolutely and, um, I, I regret this, but it was a form of like self-preservation that I had to like cut off some of the communication because it was so, it was was so hurtful, because it would just bring back so many memories of my childhood. And then I myself didn't understand addiction. You know, it wasn't. I didn't understand. It wasn't her choosing the alcohol over me, is she? You know it comes to a point. You know, with alcoholism they don't have that, that freedom to choose is gone.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so bad that you know dad was estranged for 15 years. You know, never met Zoe, jane or Lillian. He knew of them but never met them. Faith he met Faith when she was one, when we got back from Germany, and that was the last time I saw him myself before I saw him on the deathbed. And 15 years drinking I mean, he drank himself diabetic so I guess he stopped drinking for a bit. But he was so wrapped up in that mindset that he started hoarding and and that right there was the ugliest, most nastiest thing I've ever could imagine. They were true and we had, you know, something like sex ed back in school. I think it would get some kind of change in people's thoughts and habits in drinking. Has it changed mine? Yes, has cancer changed my thoughts of drinking? Absolutely. I had my first beer in like two and a half months, well, since December. Just last week at the Hofbrauhaus in Coeur d'Alene I was like I had to get a German beer.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, just one beer had the schnitzel. I love the Wiener schnitzel, yeah it's so good.
Speaker 2:Did they give you two patties? So I was like, okay, well, did the Oktoberfest? Just one, it was good. Did I enjoy it? Yes, it's just too good, you know German beer. And so I was like, okay, you had to get that experience.
Speaker 2:And then yesterday I was going to do karaoke, like I normally do, and I just sat there and I'm like thinking, thinking about this episode, thinking about what we could talk about, and then I had a beer which I love IPAs but I haven't been doing it because they're just too big and filling. So I had like a no lie, porch glow feeling. So I had like a no lie, porch glow. And I'm sitting there with my diet coke as long with my beer, because I always match it, you know, with a diet coke or mountain dew or a beer and whatnot, but with the porch glow it was just sitting there and I'm just drinking the diet coke, listen to music. Listening to music, because you know they got that, um, that one thing, that if you have an app you can play the music and they just put it on blast, and so they know I like that. So they're very accommodating.
Speaker 2:I love those people at the dugout here. And so they asked me if I wanted another one, and I'm just like no, I'm good, I think I'm going to go home. And I was just like I'm proud of myself. But I'm like, was it a struggle? Uh, to struggle to what not drink another one?
Speaker 2:yeah no, it's gotten to the point that I'm actually happy that I'm able just to have one, or, like I did yesterday last night, and be okay with it now right on. But during christmas break and doing the treatments and everything else you know, I was thinking I want to drink. I want to drink um, because before I started the treatment I was drinking pretty much daily so was it?
Speaker 1:let me ask you this was it like that the flavor? Was it just the the um, like the action, the activity of doing it? Or did you crave it as a form of escapism? Or as a form like numb the situation?
Speaker 2:the numbs, the situation, and then, when I was in the can you know, doing the treatment, I was like, well, I have to look at it a different way. So I'm like I don't want to because it's a you know, an inflammatory. So I was like, okay, well, I don't want to mess up my treatment, you know and I still feel like I don't want to mess up my treatment.
Speaker 2:So I think of you know the treatment. But then I'm all like, okay, if I continue down this road, like I did, you know, to numb the pain, uh, chances are I might end up like my father. You know to be real and I'm like I don't want to be like my father, I don't want to be a hoarder, I don't want to, you know, lose my kids. I don't want to be estranged, I want to be present, I want to love life. I don't want to be isolating myself and be a hermit to the point that you can't get yourself out of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and not the person that I once was. When, you know, I first met Tracy, or first met my kids, you know, and my dad's been a huge part of me trying to settle down the drinking because I loved to binge drink when I was in high school and college. I mean, I was always a drinker, drinker, binge drinker mostly, um. And then when I went graduated college I went to go live closer toward you know, with my dad to um for grad school, saw how he drank. I quit drinking because I just was like back back then too, I quit drinking.
Speaker 1:I quit because I didn't, I didn't, I don't want to be part of that.
Speaker 2:I didn't want to do it, so he. He found out that I don't like to drink with him because it was just horrible to watch, you know, and so totally relate to that.
Speaker 2:And so, like because of what I, what I experienced when I was a kid, I always told myself man, I have kids, I'm not going to let them see me, you know like that. And so when they told me I had cancer, what it was and what to expect, I found myself being not present with my kids and being that person that I experienced when I was a little kid and I didn't want my kids to do it, and I told myself from day one that I didn't want my kids to witness the things I did. I still believe I haven't allowed that, but I felt like I was getting close and that's what has taken me from drinking every day and going off to deep end like I could have last night, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 100%. I don't know the short answer of how to bring that type of awareness, because once somebody is to that point, they almost have to experience something life-changing to change their mindset right, especially when they're younger, because when you're younger we can tell those kids don't drink don't drink.
Speaker 1:I mean even my kids. They weren't perfect, you know. I found things in there hidden in their closets or whatever. I don't think there's anything I can I would be able to say or do to tell them. But, like I said, what there really needs to be just a huge shift in is how we view mental health, because I think it all boils down to that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think COVID and that quarantine really affected it, but it also brought mental health to light. It's just whether or not funds providers are available, and it's unfortunate they don't go hand in hand. You know, it's always about money, unfortunately, and that's one of the reasons why I've stepped out and just enjoy where I'm at now, because I don't have to worry about that you're like.
Speaker 2:You know, when the kid wants to come talk to you, they can come talk to you and then they start understanding what I bring and how I do it, and that's when the conversations arise and the relationship it doesn't dwindle, the shapes and then gets bigger, and not just with me, but with people around them teachers. You believe it or not, steph, miss Steph, you know it's this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's cool to be part of that and see it on a daily basis and yeah just when having that beer last night, I was just like I could have another one, but I it's not good, so let's not so right on yeah. Yeah, feels good to say that, cause I tell you what I was in a bad space when they left me hanging for two weeks and saying I have cancer, but they're not going to tell me what that was those two weeks, oh man.
Speaker 1:Now, when was that?
Speaker 2:I'm just kind of, it is a like when you talk about it yeah, it happened fast.
Speaker 1:Like when was that? When did you find it? It happened fast. When was that? When did you find out?
Speaker 2:Between September and November, November, and then that was the bad. I felt like that was the worst time of my life just because of the uncertainty. And then, from November to knowing when, from November like Thanksgiving, it wasn't that bad.
Speaker 2:September, October was the worst part worst time because I just was like I found out finally found out, didn't know how to, you know, take it, I had people come and go in my life, you know, and you really find your friends who do come around and don't come around, and so with that you're just like, ok, well, it was just fake anyway. So let me just continue drinking and doing my thing, putting work first, drinking, first, family. Second, you know lifestyle, you know just life in general. Last you my therapy, where it we followed it back.
Speaker 1:And it was that day, out on the track, like back then. I was a 3.8 student, I wanted to go to school, I wanted to go to UW. I wanted to either be a news anchor or an attorney. I got good grades.
Speaker 2:UW attorney.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was a great athlete. Only, you know, I didn't have just being brought up in that environment, not having the tools to overcome that, and I just said fuck it. And so that kind of was you know something that followed me around, like if things didn't go 100% the way that I thought they should go or wanted or whatever, I was just like screw it, want it or whatever. It was just like screw it. But so when you ask, like when we make this, come full circle, like how I can complete a marathon or you know 50 mile or whatever, on not a lot of training, it's because if I'm, you know, that's something that I'm going to finish, I'm going to complete. And I totally could hear you when you said you were going through that.
Speaker 1:And then you know some of the people that you thought were going to be there, they weren't. Yeah, that is tough. That's toughest when you're in a steep dark place and those core people are not nowhere to be seen. They're there when you're like the good fun.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah. Oh yeah, oh yeah, and that's why, you know, I feel that so much. That's why you know, there's a difference between how I treat you, miss Steph Ray. You know the other people you work around. Compared to people I run with or used to run with, you know what I mean. There's a huge difference. I'm very thankful that you were.
Speaker 2:You know you're in my life and you were able to um share that early in the morning when I'm getting the breakfast cookie you know it felt good that it was just like, well, I'm not alone, I know I wasn't, but it was just felt good that you know that you reiterated that, that thought and that you know and was just there that moment. I was just like I needed that. So I appreciate you 100% feelings mutual yeah.
Speaker 2:So I do. I appreciate you. That's why I always talk to you and make sure you know things are good. Um, I know you're. You're going through your thing, but um, I you're. I know you're one heck of a person and a mom. You got a three-star stud to take care of who's gonna go to college soon. Hopefully he found, he finds out where he's gonna go soon and and dominate either track or football.
Speaker 1:Track yeah.
Speaker 2:One of these things that these kids around here need to focus on, and they need to focus on not always wanting to go D1.
Speaker 1:Oh yes, it's D1 or bust. And I tell you what these kids.
Speaker 2:They have so much talent that they can. And I tell you what these kids? They have so much talent that they can. If only they knew what they can bring at a junior college level to NAIA or Division 1 or Division 2, 3, it would motivate them to be the best person that they are. But they always think D1, notre Dame or or WSU or UW or Bust. It's like no, try the smaller schools.
Speaker 1:They've got more opportunities and better programs than the schools that they're always looking at. Yeah, I don't know what the cards have in store for him, but oh darn it, he's a great kid.
Speaker 2:You know, he's one of those. They all are. They just make poor choices.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, we talk about it at work. You know I'm not going to air this during laundry. But I love that kid and my older kids come home. It's, oh my God, it's so funny. They're like what happened.
Speaker 2:What Did you?
Speaker 1:did you beat his ass? And I'm like he's my precious baby boy.
Speaker 2:What are you talking about? Why does he get away with everything? Yeah, we get it too.
Speaker 1:And there is this meme, or the real or meme or whatever I think I saw on Instagram and it just shows, like the older kids, like you know, you feel bad for, you know your older children or your oldest child who had to go with the rough, tough, no-nonsense version of you, and then the baby of the family gets the gentler healed version.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah, that's that. My oldest is getting the same treatment. My small, the younger one is too the middle one, she does her thing. So yeah, they each have their own little version yeah yeah, yeah, it's cool, though. It's cool to just sit back and see it work, but it works. You know, to each their own, I believe it works.
Speaker 1:Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Some people just get a little butthurt over the leniency or the treatment differences.
Speaker 1:They're like what you would have beat our butts for that and I'm like. I don't have it in me right now. Like leave your baby brother alone, Right?
Speaker 2:So, Tiffany, I really do appreciate this conversation. We've almost been going at it for two hours, Absolutely. Does it feel like almost two hours? I think it's an hour and 40-something minutes. Did it feel like it or did it come easy, less stressful than you thought? What?
Speaker 1:No, it was not stressful.
Speaker 2:I think I'm in good company, so yeah I appreciate the topics, I appreciate you bringing light to. You know the natives and and that it's very unfortunate that it's not brought up to light, like a lot of things in this life, what we're dealing with these days. You know and definitely enjoy talking about not so much addiction but that part of the addiction, the alcoholism that you know 21,. It's legal but you know it's a horrible disease. It is, it's legal but it's a horrible disease.
Speaker 1:It is.
Speaker 2:It's a horrible way to go out. The more I think about it, the more it just makes me want to go sober and talk more about it, just because it is ugly, most atrocious way to go out. First I thought murder is bad like. First I thought like murder is bad. Right, murder, killing somebody is bad, but when you're killing yourself and what it does to you and the mind, the body, uh, the behaviors it, it's a wild way to go out and witnessing that firsthand.
Speaker 2:I don't want my kids to see that you know, I don't want anybody to witness what we witnessed, and yeah. So, if I can bring that to light as well, I'm glad I was able to do that with you, because you made it comfortable when you approached me, or when I approached you and you stated hey, we have more in common. I just thought I'd use this platform and this episode to talk about it.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and I feel comfortable in it because you know we're humans. Life happens and you know it's. I don't know, I don't know how, I don't know how I can't speak for you, and it's something that happened. It is something that is part of my life.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And. Yeah, but it's just ugly, it's just ugly, though that's the only word I can say. It's ugly. I was through the thick of it where we had my mom come stay with us. We had her during her full-on into it and I didn't fully understand alcoholism. She was not allowed to drink in her home and she came up for Jada's graduation and I said you're staying with me, but there is absolutely no drinking. I didn't know that could kill her.
Speaker 1:And she went a couple days and then one day she's with us. I swear to God, I thought she had snuck some alcohol because she was behaving like she was drunk. But what it was. Dry drunk withdrawing, behaving like she was drunk. But what it was that I drunk the? Um ammonia, because her liver was not fully functioning. Um the ammonia was building up in her body and poisoning her brain so she was, I thought she was drunk.
Speaker 1:I thought she was drunk. I thought she was three sheets to beyond near stumbling drunk, but she was being poisoned by the ammonia level. So when I took her to the ER I couldn't even hardly stand to be near her because she smelled like pee. All the ammonia coming out of her skin.
Speaker 2:It's wild. That's why, like I, I just wish they informed us about that more than like marijuana or cocaine or crack. I mean, I'm not. I'm laughing, but I'm not laughing. I just wish they had more information because it's legal.
Speaker 1:You know what? That's what it?
Speaker 2:but wow it's horrendous and it's disgusting and and yeah, but I just wish they had more on that and get people prepared or let people know instead of waiting until it happens to them and they're like holy shit right, literally, because we had three bouts of emergency rooms that led to her being admitted in a three-month period where she they couldn't understand how she was still alive because her ammonia levels the first time were so high.
Speaker 1:They're like, they're lethal and they're like like how is she still with us? But it's crazy, while she's detoxing she would be out of conscient consciousness and I would go into the hospital and I'm like why is she laying in a crappy diaper?
Speaker 2:yeah why?
Speaker 1:and they're like we're trying to get and I'm like get me yeah get me a diaper. I'm full-on, like I. I'm the one in the family, I'm like, you know, to get get things done. I, I'm the the voice and I'm not afraid to. Well you know, I've told you like I'm not a sugar coater and I think that's why I tend to stay sometimes to myself, because if my mouth doesn't say it, my face will.
Speaker 2:I got you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was down there changing my mother's diapers.
Speaker 2:And the more you talk about it, the more it's just, I see it, I saw it, I totally understand. Yeah, it's ugly. I just wish but I really appreciate you allowing me to talk about this in our episode. I wanted a special you know, 250 to be special. I'm glad I was able to get you on 250. I wouldn't want anybody else on 250.
Speaker 2:So, um, you being a supporter, I just thought this is my way of, uh, showing appreciation and, um, sharing stuff that you know, you, you enjoy and putting you on blast because I, honestly, when I found out that you, what you, you do, what you do and you're good at it, and I mentioned that and you're like, that's nothing you know, you know, doubting yourself, I'm like, you know, I just want you to sit down and talk and understand how badass you are, and I think I did that, I believe I did that and hopefully I did it justice, and I want people to understand that you know minimal work, you still get the same results, and I'm understanding that the more I interview daily runners, movers, so, and you are a runner, a mover, and yeah, it's unbelievable what the body can do and you're a prime example of that. So, tiffany, thank you for your time. Would you like to add anything? Would you like to um? Did I forget anything?
Speaker 1:Oh man, you know what, when I'm comfortable, I could talk forever, so don't open that can of worms, um, but no, thank you for having me. That is like. I'm completely like flattered, um, of what you had to say. Thank you.
Speaker 2:Well, you're a rock star and I appreciate you, uh um, being on this platform with me to talk about the things that aren't brought to light until it comes once in a blue moon. So thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you Till next time, Tiff.
Speaker 1:Let's see what's today. Saturday, monday, all right.
Speaker 2:I'll see you no-transcript.